i tried to appear normal infront of everyone.
its really tiring by trying so hard.

everyday, my throat hurts so much from gulping down my tears, so as the tears wont flow out of my small eyes.

everyday, i tell myself he would get better, but the reality is just so true for me to deceive myself.

everyday, i cry myself to slp, hoping that the day wont come.

everyday, i woke up with sore eyes and headache, without the motivation to do
anything, yet i have an important task on hand.

everyday, i would start thinking of the past, and i would be disgusted by my
actions, for going out with my frens instead of having dinner at his house.

everyday, i have to tell myself to be strong, but whenever i thought of the pain he is suffering, i breakdown.

everyday, when i visit him, i hate myself for not being able to chat much with him and ease the pain he is suffering.

yes, there's an end eventually in one's life.
but he dun deserve to suffer all these pain. really.

im tired.
i dun wanna be strong.
i dun wanna pretend nothing's wrong.

its really so hard to accept the reality,
no matter how prepared i am, i still wont be able to accept the worst.

this time, its for real.
define sadness. define helplessness. define pain.

unbearable tears- my definition to the above 3.

stay strong.
but how strong can one be?

dear god, pls dun take him aaway from us.

A very happy CNY to all~

This year, CNY was almost the same as the previous years,
all i did was eat, watch tv and gamble at relatives or friends' hse.
My luck this year wasnt that bad, since i didnt really lose money while gambling.
I hope the luck keeps coming in!

Before New Year, Xin and Me went to Pat's house to learn how to bake cornflake cookies!
The response from friends and relatives were positive, so i might consider selling them the next CNY IF my daddy decides to invest in a bigger and better Oven.

For the previous CNY, when we visit relatives' hse, its really easy to identify who is the eldest and who is the youngest among us, the 4 sisters.

However, this time round, it wasnt a simple task to them anymore,
somehow, my sis all seemed to have grown taller and dressed in a more matured way,
im often being mistook as the 2nd or the 3rd.
And i believed, in a few months time, when my youngest sis continue to grow taller,
I'll be the shortest in this Lim Family.
Damn. Cant they just stop growing vertically?
Had enough of people laughing at the scene of us standing together, with me being the shortest.
I dun mind being the shortest, but my size doesnt fit my height!
#)(&^%%$#@!~!*

On the other hand, life is really unfair,
cos the person, who prays so hard not to grow taller, is growing taller.
*flash my evil look at Hui Mei*
Will i ever grow taller again?

There was once when i was eating lollipop,
and one of my relative mistook me as the youngest one,
her reason was "u eating lollipop, so i tot u the youngest"
but then...so says grown-ups cannot eat lollipop?

Maybe i just dont look my age, and i look younger than my age,
which is a good thing, cos this means tat i dun look Chao Lao.
Haha. Self -consolations.

The only part i enjoyed during this CNY is to doll myself up.
Been learning how to put on eye shadow and i tried on the green one.
I think it looks good with my fake lashes. Somehow, my eye seems to brighten up.

Went to Huimei, Qj, Jw and Tobs house yesterday for clique New Year gatherings.
Original plan was to have steamboat at marina, but ended up eating KFC at Tob's hse.

Like wad tobs says, this may be the last time we will be gg to his house.
hmm....

Damn Damn Damn!
I've gained 2Kg! can u believe it?
omg omg. I really have to work extra hard to shed off more weights before grad ball!!!
thanks to ba guas, lapis cake and hei bee hiam.
i feel so guilty now!

Been thinking really alot since exams ended.
and i really hate that,
cos i end up losing sleep.

However, i cant ctrl my mind.
the more i asked myself not to think,
the more my mind thinks.


sometimes,
as we understand each other more,
more conflicts arises,
the insecurities and uncertainty in me increases,
the more i felt that we are distancing from each other.

i wonder,
Is there a limit to compromising?
and if there is, where is mine and where is yours?
can we compromise for as long as a life time?
can we accept each other's fault for a life time.

am i really the one that u're looking for?








totally not in the mood for CNY.


think, i'll be creating a new blog which allow me to 'lock' some of my posts for personal reference.
any recommendations?

i lose my voice.
i cant sing.
:(

somehow when its finally over,

it feels like something is missing,

the once 'oh-so-packed' life says goodbye,

and i begin living each day aimlessly.

the moment i dread is finally here for me to decide.

Which direction should i head next?

as usual, life is full of uncertainty.

theres so many things i wanna try,

but do i qualify for them?

im so used to somebody making the decision for me.

now the ball is in my hands,

i've gotta learn how to pass and throw the ball,

rather than leaving it to fate, and letting it fall.

but then again, its like im loosing control of my life.

like seriously, does everyone feel the same as me?

the weakest cant survive in this society. we gotta fight for our living.

and through past experience, i really felt that im the weakest.

the wall that i depended on since young, seems so filmsy now.

omg. omg. omg.

im loosing slp everynight whenever i think of my future.

my head hurts, my throat hurts, and world seems to be spinning.
it must be the effect of the cough medicine. It must be.

b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b!!!

i jus cant seem to focus on my b2b chapters.
i just cant get those notes into my damn head.
memorise like nv memorise like that....

but bu but...

im so looking forward to tomorrow...

last paper!

and of course,

1 yr anniversary for me and him.

*gg back to my notes* shoo~