my story. my life

sad.... really sad.... dunno what should i do now.... cancer...wat a nice name.... but a painful sickness.... use to watch them on tv...but i didnt expect that it will happen to someone so dear to mi. ya...my grandma....the result came out... its breast cancer....malignant de... im so scare now. when i got home from work yesterday night... my mum was like in her room crying... u know how i feel mah... its like...to mi, my mum is really a strong person... someone who can protect mi, punish mi, shelther mi thru rain and storms... but...she broke down...really broke down in front of us im speechless... dunno wat to say...dunno how to comfort....helpless... all i could do was to watch her cry... upon hearing the news...i couldnt react. i juz felt my heart go numb...i felt cold and i start to shiver a little but i did not cry...i tried not to cry...i cannot cry...i dunno...tears juz didnt manage to drop. having wild tots...no no no...nothing muz happen to my grandma... although everybody on this earth have to leave this yr someday... but....i really hope everyone ard mi can die peacefully and 'easily' as in not suffer pain before they leave this world... i couldnt slp properly last night...and my mind was like blank this morning in school i dun feel like saying anything dun feel like eating dun feel like doing everything. i juz want to stare into the space... haiz... but...i can never do this... lots more project is going to due. test test and tests im now really stressed! i really dunno wat i can do within this limited time period i feel like giving up giving up on my studies giving up on my projects and giving up on myself. and today....another person was killed by the train at bishan... who knows i might be the next one...? but i know i'm sensible enuff not to be so silly. but when things really drive mi crazy.... i think i wun know ' sensible ' this word. haha im mad really mad. told amanda's mum that i cant continue to work as a promoter. i felt so bad. its like im so irresponsible. but...i really dunno wat will happen to mi if i continue to work. she asked mi y... and i told her its becos of my grandma... and guess wat... my tears finally drop.... infront of her... but i really felt better after crying.... and i feel like crying one more time... acting strong juz wasnt mi not mi arn't mi isn't mi haiz... bought the samsung mp3 today. they give mi the new stock. lucky if not i have to take the display set cos they are selling real cheap and there are no more stock left. this is my b day present from xin hui and gang cos they sponsor mi $100 and the rest i pay...which was abt $120 but didnt have the mood to explore it now.... maybe other time when i m free.... thank kew them...lurve them think im not going to do my tutorial...juz tell my tutor i didnt do. have to rush thru my effective communication proposal its due on friday but i only done like 20%? haiz....my english suck....thats y i suck