my story. my life

getting very emotional these few days.
if u ask mi to cry now... i can cry now...over nth.
if u ask mi to laugh now...i can oso laugh now.
im mad
im mad
im mad
u c...im really mad.

i dunno y m i putting a mask in front of everybody.
infront of my frens
infront of my family members?
who actually know the real mi?
dun say u know the real mi
cos i myself, dun even know who m i.
i juz know im called Samantha Lim Xiao Wei.
one of the dunno how many billions or trillions human being in this world.
im supposed to live on this earth.
thats it.
i really find no meaning to whatever im doing.
im doing for the sake of doing.
problems arise one after another.
regardless of frenship, family problems or financial problems
i keep running away from reality.
dunno from when, i learnt to console myself.
but as time goes by, the mo0re i console
the weaker i felt.
i felt like a pile of shit
totally useless, wanted and hopeless.
i felt like playing tug-of-war
as the evil and kind side of mi keeps contradicting.
maybe, maybe i think too much.
but...but...if i dun think, den wat should i do?
i hate myself for being undecisive
i hate myself for giving in too easily
y cant i be stronger and firmer?
y cant i juz hurt everybody ard mi juz to get my privileges?
y muz my frens treats mi so nice?
nice till they give mi no reason to hate a little bit of them.
sometimes, i really wonder...
wonder y m i born like this.
haha.
pple see mi as a like-able and nice fren
but they may not know that
maybe i actually hate them
maybe i want them dead
maybe i can juz push them down 20 floor building
haha
evil mi.
all this things might not happen.
simply juz becos i dun have the guts and terms.
i dun have the terms to reject anyone or anybody
cos i need frens ard mi.
with my looks and everything
making and knowing frens is really so difficult.
i cant afford to loose anyone close to mi now.
i clinged on to them so tightly that i myself feel that im so damn disgusting.
im an angel to someone angelic in my life....
this nick i used in msn ytd.
really thank you for looking upon mi as an angel.
but seriously im not
im juz faking
believe mi, im really faking
im not fit to be a fren
dun even mention angel.
although when u all have probs,
and u have to to console u...
i sometimes felt so stressed that i really dunno how to console.
maybe its my voice tt u wanna hear
not those words.
cos i really cant console.
so i wanna thanks god for giving mi this voice.
my voice.
really.
this entry is bull shit
believe it or not its up to u all.

ok. tok abt ytd
u c, i can change the atmosphere so fast.
from a moody moody and emotional topic to a clear topic.
thats mi.
i can change very fast.
ok lets continue.

my sis went back sch to collect her PSLE result.
ok
she did alot better den mi.
i felt happy and proud for her.
cos she can do well but i can only score 198.
haha.
congratualtions.

den had dinner at V8 movie cafe
after that catch the movie shutter with mum dad and sisters.
interesting show.
can understand the storyline easily.
unlike those korean/ jap horror movie which is so confusing.
some parts are funny.
those who haven catch this show.
its a nice show lah!

den today i go my ah him hse trim and highlighted my hair
it dun seems like highlighted hair
it looks like i went to DYE my whole head
but not the bad lah
better den the first time i highlighted which looks...
erm shall not further elaborate.

ok lah.
stop here le.