my story. my life

i know i shouldnt be blogging at this time.
but i really dun have the motivation to study.
this shouldnt occur to mi now.
no matter how much sleep i got, i still feel so sleepy.
i spent the whole afternn study fiscal policy.
spent the rest of the afternn sleeping and watching tv.
-_-"
had crs test this morning.
as freaking early as 8am
was half awake during the test.
wrote on the social developement unit in singapore.
crap all the way. dunno wad i writing.
but wads over is over.

im so scared to hear my fone ringing away at nite.
im so afraid that he called mi to chat again.
i dunno exactly wad i want.
i want someone who will care for mi and tok craps with mi when im down, when im lonely.
but too much of care and concern frm him actually makes mi feel disgusted at times.
funny. isnt this is wad i want in the first place?
den y m i feeling like this now?
y m i starting to feel that he is irritating?
y m i starting to feel so disgusted by him?
y m i starting to give him excuses and avoiding his call?
but the problem is....
y i cant reject him?!!
maybe its becos at this end, i tried my best to destroy my feelings for him
but at the other hand, the care and concern is mending up the destroyed feelings.
gosh.
wad on earth is happening.
y i cant get him out of my mind?
i dun want this to happen.
but nth can stop.
i know have the 'tiao jian' and is in no position to say this,
but i still believe that looks still matter to mi.
he changed so much. as in his physical appearance.
im so scared that if i meet him,
all my dreams i used to have will become shattered glass.
i have to wake up and face the reality.
no. i dun want this.
but how long can i avoid him?
wad muz i do so that he wun call mi so often.
argh!!~~

gonna go back to my notes again.

-ihatemyselfforlovingyou-