my story. my life

as im bathing today,
i started to do some mental calculations on how much cash im left with to spend.

it's always so scary to see the decreasing numbers everytime i withdraw money from the atm.

and i can't think of anything to do justice to the decreasing amount in the bank,
cos logically, when im cash poor, i should be rich in assets.
unfortuanately, my balance sheet doesnt seems to tally.
im cash and assets poor, both at the same time.

it is then i realised, i spend most of my money, not on myself, but on gatherings, friend's birthday present, food, transport and entertainment perhaps?

how long have i not spend money on myself?
the last time i bought new top for myself is really a few months back.
thats really pathetic right?
how could i be so stingy towards myself?
why must i think so much to buy a $20 necklace when i can graciously ford out $30 for my friend's birthday present?
why is it that when i want to buy something expensive for myself, i'll feel the pinch?

it is usually this case, i walked rounds and rounds in a shop,
thinking if i should get the thing i saw,
then pick up that object,
look at how wonderful that object is,
put down that object,
continue to walk around the shop, deciding the pros and cons of getting the object,
then i walked out of the shop, empty handed.
so dissapointing.

WHY AM I SO STINGY TOWARDS MYSELF?!!!!

i dont really understand. its not that i cannot afford what.... why is there an imaginery force stopping me to buy things to pamper myself?

ok, i dont care.
another new year resolution:
spend more money on myself before i dont get the chance to spend my own money any more.

friends, please remind me to pamper myself more often.
i am abusing myself with my stingy-ness.
or perhaps, you can refrain me from going to the atm as often,
so that i wont be reminded that the numbers keep decreasing,
and hence, the decision process of getting something for myself will be a fast one.



and bloody hell, why does a freaking boring text book need to cost as much as $100 over dollars?
it will take me at least 20 hours of work to earn a text book.
how pathetic.