my story. my life

am very sadded rite now.
am very dissapointed rite now
am depressed rite now
am crying rite now.

y is life juz so unfair.
y is my life so different frm my sis?
y muz u treat mi like a 3 yr old.
y do i have to listen to you all the time?
i know u are my mum
tts y i respected you.
i listened to you.
but y do i juz get this kind of treatment frm u?
i know, watever u do, is for my own good.
but let mi tell u....im not feeling good now.
i felt so restricted.
i felt so useless.
im grateful to you for giving birth to mi.
im grateful for those things you've done for mi.
but u know wat....i do hate you at times.
4 yrs ago when i was 13.
i cant even go out with my frens during weekend.
even if i can, i muz reached home b4 5pm.
ok. i listened to u. and i really tried to reach home b4 5pm.
4 yrs later, im 17.
my sis is 13.
she can get to go out if her frens every weekend.
she can go for concert and stuffs and return home late.
and u said nth.
well...i know it useless to compare now.
as nothing u do can bring mi back to my 13.
sometimes i wonder...am i born to suffer all this kind of unfair stuffs?
becos of you, i lose and i gave up alot of my happiness and interest.
life is juz so unpredictable.
wat if i die tml?
will u regret for restricting mi too much?
cos i haven enjoy much.
if u dun, den let mi tell u....
if i die tml, i'll regret being a mummy's girl
i will regret listening to your advise
i will hate myself for not defying you.
and....i'll hate you.
maybe i'll have a different view towards how u treated me 20 yrs later.
but for now i know....
im not happy at all.
and i really tried my best to find 101 excuses not to hate you.
pls dun push mi any further.
im actually a very weak person.
i may breakdown anytime.
thru this 4 yrs of my teenage yrs.
i've tolerate enuff.
i juz wanna fly away...
away frm you, away frm everything
to a place so called 'my world'....
pls leave mi alone...cos i had enuff....will you?

went to TM juz now with hui xian
bought some tidbits for my class tml.
had a tiff with my mum over my activity tml.
well...maybe i'll juz pack my bag and go and nv return.
thats juz maybe...cos it wouldnt happen at all.
i dun have the guts.

u.s.e.l.e.s.s m.i.
i.h.a.t.e.m.y.s.e.l.f.
s.o.m.e.o.n.e.p.l.e.a.s.e.t.a.k.e.m.i.a.w.a.y