yeah~
econs CA3 over le.
so wads next?
projects projects and projects
followed by those end yr exams.

the weather is terribly irritating.
the haze
the heat
the burning smell in the air
is making mi sick.
when will it rain again?

suddenly find myself immuned to bad news and sad stuffs.
maybe i ran out of tears.
but not having to cry after facing things that were not easy to deal with is definately no good at all.

went general hospital to visit my ah gong after my test today.
he was supposed to have his operation today.
but, he didnt
cos his body condition doesnt allow him to go for the operation.
the doctors found out that his heartbeat was irregular
and if an operation is carried out, his heart might not take it.
and that thing in his lung turn out to be cancer.
yes. cancer again.
im so fated to cancer.
maybe i die, i might die frm cancer too.
but for the past 17 yrs or so,
he didnt smoke.
and he seldom drink.
so y lung cancer?
really dunno.

he was really happy when mummy, daddy and i went to visit him
imagine being all alone in a ward
with no television and stuffs
how boring can 1 be?
although he keep asking us to go home earlier, no nid to waste time at the hospital accompany him,
i knew this was not wad he want.

i so afraid of being old.
but i dun wan to die so young.
i dun wan any of my family members to leave mi.
if i can choose,
i rather be selfish.
i will choose to leave this world earlier den my friends and family members,
so i wun have to suffer the pain of losing my loved one.

i think heaven/hell/god is playing a trick on mi
or maybe they wanna planned a series of test for mi to go thru.
received another worrying news that keep distracting mi frm studying...
my grandmother had to go back to the hospital during mid may for another checkup on the other half of her breast.
they suspected "something" to be there.
gosh~~
y cant those " something" juz leave my grandmother alone?
she already had lost her left side.
y muz pple suffer so much when we get old?
isnt it the time when pple can finally enjoy life after they worked so hard for the past 30 over yrs?
i juz cant understand.

haiz.
alot of tots running in and out of my mind.
juz cant settle down to study for my econs test this friday.
ya.
maybe i shouldnt continue studying
since im prepared for the worst.

ah gong gonna have operation this friday.
argh~~
theres something in his lungs.
im so shocked upon hearing this news
cos he has always been healthy and fit.
i knew something was wrong abt 1 month ago when he was admitted to the hospital for a check up.
but he said nth was wrong with him.

this time round,
i controlled my emotions
i was worried of cos.
but i know he will get well.
he will.
love him in my heart my kind of never express out.

saw mr naufal's baby ger.
she's cute.
real cute.

haiz.
received back my accounts ca paper.
i passed.
yeah i passed.
not happy at all.
dunno y.
theres nth to be happy abt.
in fact,
think im breaking down at this pt of time.

projects.
exams.
relationships.
friends.
ah gong.
mL.
stress.
dissapointment.

everything in my mind is in a whirl.
save mi.
i wanna run away frm reality.
but i cant.
so how?

juz finished my marketing project discussion.
finally we can get things done
and not juz doing research everytime we meet for discussion.
im trying my very best to make things go on in our grp.
hope everything will be fine.

this sat thingy cancelled.
saded.
but wad to do?
eversince the start of poly lifes,
everyone has its own things to busy with.
next time i think no matter how early we planned our activity,
there sure will be some unexpected things will juz pop out frm no whr.
not to say im 'suan-ing' or wad,
but the fact is
our gathering has nv got full attendance b4.
how sad.
i oso have my projects, i have my exams, i have my assignments
but i tried to make 26 feb free.
i said no to xin for project
said no to mummy for lunch
said no to frens for shopping.
and everything juz got screwed up.
think i should juz get use to this type of meetings, with 1 or 2 absent in the future.
i muz learn not to put high hope for a full mL+sars gathering.

sorry mL+sars
im juz dissapointed.
i miss all of u like hell,
yet i cant get to all of u guys.
sudden cancelation of this sat thingy is juz driving mi crazy.
cos this is all ive been looking forward to eversince the start of CNY.
juz let mi grumble here.
and sorry if i've offended anyone of u.
i juz need to say wad i feel now.
cos im fuming hot.

haiz~~
gotta go back for my econs revision and marketing project.
ciaoz~~

am in the BizIT now.
having test later at 5pm
therefore decided to pon my Gems.
yeah.
this is the 2nd time i pon gems.
the 1st time was last week.
cos last monday was valentines.
xin decided to pon her lesson
so i pon oso to give ourselves valentines break.
which means i pon 2 consecutive weeks.

had my ITAB presentation juz now.
only this morning den i realise the presentation is today.
but everything went smoothly for my grp.
wanna know more abt my website?
haha. take alook at :
http://webhosting.sd.sp.edu.sg/home/zespri


having stats test later.
did my revision but im not sure if i know everything.
maybe it will turn out to be like my accounts.
my mind juz go blank suddenly.
argh~~
didnt really sleep last nite.
not sure if i can concentrade well later.

somebody said this to mi long long time ago :

"god help those who help themselves."

i think this is bull shit.
if i can help myself, wad for i need god?
i need god cos i cant help myself wad.

to gods out there,
no offence pls.
im juz pissed off with this sentence.
wad im stating is juz how i feel.

argh~~
i think im mentally, physically and emotionally tired.
im going crazy.

y is it that at the point when i decided to give up,

u turn back to mi, giving mi concern, bringing mi back to those days?

i ought to have the determination.

so pls....

leave mi alone.

.

.

.

.

.

i was juz joking.

pls do not leave mi alone.

.

.

.

-> fickle-minded mi

my relatives came my hse for gatherings yesterday.
and they left at 3am in the morning.
cant slp.
watch tv instead.
ended up sleeping at 5.30am

today, woke up at 1pm.
had lunch.
after lunch, got headached and stomach ached.
cant study.
went back to bed and woke up in the evening.

gosh~~
can u believe stats test is tml and yet it seems like i've studied nth?
god bless mi!

i've got 2 songs to dedicate to myself:

samantha,
i know u can do it.
u juz need time.
so heres to song to aid to ur process of picking up urself!
jia you.
love ya loads *muacks*

1st song : tanya chua

假想敌

分开感觉原本没那么疼
相爱过程两人都诚恳
平心静气调整或许还能把他看成老朋友般的同等身份
可惜人都抵不过自尊
不恨听起来太愚蠹

不闻不问怕自已平静的心再沸腾
爱过的人都非得当成假想的敌人
不闻不问却反复提醒自己有伤痕
冷漠的人得在狠下心前先对自己残忍

回忆亲昵口吻亲密眼神
难以平衡暧昧感觉如何能调整
总之界限要清楚划分以防自己还想要等

2 song : s.h.e.

记得要忘记

在就要转身前突然又想起你
相遇的那天漾着微笑的你
那个微笑还是很美丽
可惜那个人常常要让人哭泣

太耀眼的城市不适合看星星
就如同你的心不适合谈安定
谢谢你让我伤过心
学会爱情并非执迷
人改变不了改变不了的事情

记得要忘记忘记
我提醒自己你已经是人海中的一个背影
长长时光我应该要有
新的回忆

人无法决定会为谁动心
但至少可以决定放不放弃
我承认我还是会爱着你
但我将永不再触碰这记忆

记得要忘记忘记经过我的你
毕竟只是很偶像的那种相遇
不会不容易我有一辈子
足够用来忘记

我还有一辈子可以用来努力
我一定会忘记你

here to blog again.

yesterday i very guai, attended all lessons of the day.

yeah~~

tried the chicken fold during my lunch.

quite nice. but muz wait for quite a long time b4 its ready.

den went to Singapore Poly Graduate Guilds (SPGG)with wenhao, rony and huixian to play pool.

was my 1st time there.

explore the place there with huixian.

got bowling alley, gym, swimming pool, playground, karaoke lounge etc etc.

its juz like a clubhouse, except its a smaller one.

haha.

didnt join in the game of pool, cos got other pple playing, and i was very "good" in pool u see.

haha.

den jia yi, jingwei and qunjie came to join us after some time.

this jia yi ar....

so ka jiao

keep sitting and laying on mi and hx de body,

so ticklish can! *goosebumbs*

after tt went back sch for 3pm lecture.

sian.

no mood for tt at all.

den when the lecture end, jia yi and mi went to cityhall.

she had to collect her payslip and she is oso craving for icecream.

so we went suntec! long walk. but had a great chat with her.

its all abt influcing and perception.

never think tt this day of shopping and chatting with her can.

and jy, thx for being there to listen to my problems. *muacks*

went home at around 7.30.

reach tanah mehra at abt 7.50pm.

ok. i missed a bus 14.

but the bus is *&^%$#@

guess wad time did the next bus arrive?

8.40PM!!!!

argh~~~*throw rotten eggs at bus 14*

my mood already not so gd, yet it make mi wait so long!

finally able to cry while watching the chn 8 9pm show.

after things that happened recently,

i finally let off all my emotions at once.

i made a bet with time.

bet with time with a decision.

no matter how determined were my decision at 1st,

i still lose to time.

but, its the day i gain total freedom.

its the day i learn to really give up after 4 yrs.

its the day to say gdbye.

no use clinging myself to things tt are mission impossible.

its time for mi to really wake up, wake up frm all my fairytales.

no more extra concern, no more waiting, no more heartbreaks, no more tears(i hope so)

know its impossible to forget everything overnite

but i'll put in 100% effort

i'll try to put everything behind.

no more "we" but juz "u" and "mi".

s.a.m.a.n.t.h.a. u. g.o.t.t.a. d.o.i.t. t.o. s.a.v.e. u.r.s.e.l.f. f.r.m.f.u.r.t.h.e.r. h.e.a.r.t.a.c.h.e.s.

conclusion of the day :

ALL GUYS ARE JERKS!!!

** terms and conditions apply.

woke up at 9.57am today.

but u know wad,

my lecture starts at 10am.

hohoho.

karen smsed mi at 9.57am to say they go off first.

which means that they were waiting for mi.

and i was still sleeping soundly in bed.

argh~~ felt s guilty.

sorry karen, germaine, huimei and those who waited for mi.

went to sch for that 1 oclock character developement lesson.

projects again.

its topic discussion during week 6.

our topic : sex everywhere, anywhere.

haha.

den after tt go for econs lecture and proceed home.

yesterday i didnt blog.

cos was too tired to come online le.

was POON MEI JIE WENNA de 18th birthday.

muz put her big name here to show how much she meant to mi.

hey ger! luv you loads ya! cant wait the 26 feb

mL and sars gonna rule the whole of orchard!!!

haha.

managed to change the topic to health and fitness for our marketing project.

hope tt more relevant informations will be available...

argh~ *take out a rose*
i like him,
i like him not.

i hate him,
i hate him not.

which 1?

think this is the song that suits my mood right now.

爱你的两个我 by Landy wen Lan

OH~城市的火,对比我内心的落漠,
我恨我自己的软弱,离不开你的温柔.
另一个我,提醒着我,不能永远对你宽容,
连自己要什么,都没把握,以后如何面对生活.
OH 我就是太念旧,习惯的都是舍不得丢,
受委屈,不如说爱你爱的太久.
because i want YOU,跟自己在拔河,
能怎样呢?爱你的两个我,迷途在进退这之中.
because i LOVE YOU,跟自己在拔河,你有多爱我,
爱过我什么,我会倾听着,
别让我等的太久.
OH~我天一亮,就要离开,
还给你全部的自由,你会感到愧疚还是解脱,
我很在乎你的感受.
oh~,我数到99,电话仍坚持它的沉默,
这一刻.我知道,我已输掉了所有.

ah~~ been really emotional this few days.
someone turned my world upside down.
nth seemd to go rite no matter wad i do.
wad is happening to mi exactly?
y cant i live juz like normal?
someone pls stop mi...stop mi frm thinking.

woots`pple~~

although its already 12.30am le.

still wanna give pple out there happy valentines.

be it singles or couples out there,

hope that u've enjoyed this day!

was almost late for lecture today.

thanks to that bus 14.

argh~~

ponned my gems and went orchard walk walk with xin.

the two lonely singles.

haha.

ok lar. being single is good, we got to enjoy the freedom.

we are not lonely at all, cos we got all the frens out there.

those who are attached are once single oso.

but the gd thing for us singles is,

we dun nid to suffer the pain of being in the relationship or any breakups.

hahah.

self consolation.

went to have delifrance for lunch.

and go borders read some books.

was too tired to carry on walking.

decided to head back to sch for japanese lesson.

took bus 105 back to sch as we didnt want to take mrt as chances of getting a seat to rest is quite slim.

after the jap class,

go bugis meet amanda and jia min for valentines dinner.

they 2 made us a bouquet of stars made with straws.

so sweet of them.

actually wanna have V8 for dinner

wah! the queue was damn long.

den we saw long john no pple

den we decided to settle our dinner at long john -_-"

pathetic valentine's dinner

i want my brownie frm v8!!!!

after dinner went seiyu

cos wanna buy naufal's baby present

den decide le, i accompany jia go cold storage buy yu sheng for her class tml.

tml is ren ri.

or rather today.

happy birthday to all humans out there!

tired~~

but still gotta do some research on home and furnishing and plastic surgery!

*yawnz*

went dc hse with jingwei, jia yi, wen hao and qun jie.
he ordered kfc for us to eat.
heard his sons sing.
sat on his sofa and listen them sing.
went off at abt 1.45pm to go meet my 1 wk gang.
yuni came oso.
so long didnt see her liao.
watch the movie "tian xia wu zei"
funny, sad, angry.
haha
den slacked.
took fotos.
had fabulous steamboat(AGAIN)
obviously we keep gobbling and stuffing ourselves with fishballs, fish, prawns and stuffs,
xin got really bloated that she feel like vomitting.
after dinner
took fotos again.
crap and went hm.
chatted all the way.
had a great tok with jia.
had stomache half way thru jorney.
almost cannot tahan.
but i manage to tahan till tanah mehra de toilet.
guess the apricots i had after dinner at amanda's hse was really effective but not efficient cos it took abt 2 hrs to take its effect.
haha.

had a wonderful day today.
looking forward to valentines!

爱我还是她? by tao ze

黑暗中的我们都没有说话 你只想回家 不想你回家 寂寞深得像海太让人害怕 我用你的手 轻轻揉着我的发 你的媚眼说 你好渴望我拥抱 你身体却在拼命逃 当欲望在燃烧 你爱我还是他 是不是真的他有比我好 你为谁在挣扎 你爱我还是他 就说出你想说的真心话 你到底要跟我还是他

nice song.

really.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

我以为我真的可以忘记你.

可是......

我以为这是一件很简单的事

可是......

你老是在我记忆里徘徊,

你烦不烦啊?

想让你离开我生命,

我却舍不得.

谁能告诉我,

我到底想要什么.

你能不能离开, 让我好过一些? 让我找回属于我自己的生命,自己的独立,自己的安全感,自己的感觉,自己的呼吸,自己的一切.

错就错在当出.

应该控制自己,不要喜欢你.

oh ya.
juz now forgot to add smth
juz now go tampines mall watch i do i do with family.
laugh till peng.
nice nice.
muz watch ok?

anyway, quite alot of stores i open for business le wor
despite the fact that this is only the day 2 of cny.
shops like giodarno, hangten, bum equipment etc open le.
i think its either they wanna mistreat their staffs or wanna earn money earn till siao.
cos even bengawan solo, which i think the boss 'ke bo' their staff
oso haven 'open' their biz yet.

argh.
anyway
its none of my business.
craving for mahjong and black jack now!!!
and i mean NOW!

first of all,

happy new yr to all.

wish u pple good luck in watever things u do in the yr of chicken!!!

haha.

these 2 days is a fruitful and tiring one.

fruitfull cos of all the ang paos collected.

tiring cos have been visiting alot of relatives.

this yr angpao quite alot.

maybe becos i stay in sg celebrate new yr.

unlike last time, my family always spend new yr overseas.

but sad thing is mummy gonna take back 2/3 of my ang pao $$

which left abt $200 for mi to spend nia.

sad sad sad.

been eating steamboat and rice for these 2 days.

gosh~ im sick of steamboat.

almost every venue i go, i'll have to eat steamboat.

really sian and sick.

this sat still have another round of steamboat at amanda's hse.

but i guess its gonna be a fun 1 cos i like so long nv gather with them le.

b4 going amanda's hse, will be going to my personal tutor, DC hse.

he lives at admiralty and amanda lives at admiralty too.

so travelling part gonna be easy.

last nite spent my nite over at my grandparents new hse.

cant really sleep cos not xi guan with everything there

the bed, the boaster, the everything.

so im kinda sleepy now.

zZZ.

sian tml my sis muz go back sch.

no program tml.

think i gonna rot at hm again~~~

ciao

today is the eve of CNY.

argh~~ i still do not have the mood for the CNY.

shit.

y?

i guess this will not be a good yr for mi.

i hate my auntie.

she always give mi a surprise when i really dun expect her to come.

or she will always visit mi during big events like my birthday and chinese new yr.

i hate her!

term 4 starting le.

haiz

6 more weeks

my class gonna split.

actually,

i love my class.

at the start on this yr 1

i always feel that some pple in my class are difficult to get along.

den i realise,

its mi who is difficult to get along,

i didnt put in any effort to communicate with them,

i always wait for them to approach mi b4 i approach them,

tts y i dun like my class at first.

but when i start to like my class

time is not on my side.

it passes so quickly

and soon it will be the day when we say :

"hey! good luck to u in ur new class. byebye"

haiz.

to my dear DBA/1b(1A)/21

thx for those joy u've given mi!!!

happy CNY!

yeppie.

back frm shopping with wen and ling.

did shopping the whole day today frm 11am to abt 8.30pm.

now my leg is aching. *sour*

but shopping sure cheer up my mood a little.

but.... TIAN AH~~~

spent alot and bought alot of things today.

first we meet at cityplaza.

but all the clothes there kinda maturechao lao.

so we only walk two levels den we proceed to Singapore post.

was craving for Macdonals

and so i kinda forced ling and wen to hv Mac with mi.

den after eating we go this fashion hunt for skirts and jeans.

we tried and tried, went in and out of the fitting rooms, stand in front of the mirror for minute studying the way we looked in those skirts and jeans, and the crazy us took fotos in the fitting rm with those clothes on.

haha.

den finally decide on which 1 to buy le.

i bought a skirt and a denim dress.

this 2 plus together is ard $51

den suddenly remember its wen's b day mth!!!

so we enjoy 20% discount.

after discount only spent $40

hohoho. so contented.

den we went to have a drink at the foodcourt.

saw ling's brother.

but still dun understand y ling will feel so embarassed seeing her brother.

den go popular and watsons.

bought nail polish and bio-essence freckles removal cream.

and when we step out of the store,

wen realised ling took the sample of the snoopy monitor cleaner cum handrest out.

oh oh.

pls be reminded tt, we didnt steal.

it juz happen tt ling took out without knowing.

haha

tt wen still call mi to bring home...

tsk tsk...

den i saw the staff standing outside the store

den i approach him to return him the snoopy sample lor.

proceed off to bugis via train.

arg~~

PMK store so crowded can

but still manage to buy 1 top.

bought another top at TOP SHOP.

cos buy 2 got 20% discount.

so wen and i bought 1 each.

dun c i buy buy buy so much

i spent less den $100 on these clothes only.

but still consider alot la.

haha

saw shawn, po chien, xiang hui and davin while having dinner

TIAN AH~~~ all grow so tall le.

den keep suaning ling de height.

so bad of them.

den they went off after chatting for a while.

den we started discussing abt our sec 1 and 2 life.

haiz

time really passes so fast

we gonna be 18 this yr.

and i found out that i actually have a better memory then the 2

cos i can remember most of those little details while they cant.

chat till abt 9.30pm den we went home lor.

*yawnz* so so so tired!

haha.
jia min.
u are nerdier den mi!!!
hohoho

to everyone out there who hates mi.
im offering u a chance to kill mi now.
do cherish this chance cos its hard to come by.
take a gun and shot mi
or u grab a knife and stab me as many times as u like
after tt, put salt and squeeze lemon onto my wounds
ot maybe u can try to burn mi alive.
if u dun wanna do it...i'll do it myself.
never had i felt so devastated after a CA.
when i received the paper today
i start to panick
my mind juz went blank
i cant think of anything
almost had breathing difficulties
limbs went numb
and i felt giddy.
argh~~
y m i like tt?
i really did studied for this accounts CA.
i tried the tutorials again.
i tried those past yr paper
but.... haiz.
i really dun wanna fail this test.
and if i fail, this will be the 2nd time.
although its only 10%
but it still means alot.

how i wish a car could juz hit mi down while im crossing the road
how i wish someone can juz struggle mi.
argh~~

went home alone after the paper.
and i juz couldnt stop thinking of the paper
thinking how stupid i m.
maybe becos there wasnt anyone there to distract my tots.
and i start to imagine wad if i fail my end yr semester exam.
i will fail the whole of my accounts
and i'll have to repeat this torturous module one more yr.
NoooO!!! I DUN WAN!!!!!!

juz finished revising my accounts for CA3 tml.
ok.
i hope i really finished and wont forget everything once i wake up tomorrow.

today was the 1st day of open house.
had my duty at school of business foyer.
and my duty was to tok to pple, answer pple's question and giving brochures.
but den because of the stupid useless indian lecturer that refuse to do her job, i've to do smth extra.
i mean its not that i mind doing extra stuffs
but its the attitude that she giving mi
as if its really my fault
as if its really with my scope of work.
she's incharge of book-a-tour to appoint her own students to bring those visitors to tour school of business.
but she juz sit down at her booth, expecting mi to bring those students/visitors over to her.
hey! is ur butt stick or stuck to the chair? cant u juz assist those visitors?
ok like tt still nvm.
i do the favour by assisting visitors to ur boo-a-tour booth.
u didnt say thank you.
instead u sort of scolded mi for bringing only 2-3 students to u at a time.
u wanted mi to bring 6 students.
oh come on!
wad the hell
is tt my job?
i brought the students to u and u are still not sastified?
u wan mi to gather a grp b4 'giving' them to u?
and i tell u, u students tt are helping sucks.
visitors feedback to mi that the tour guides went his/her own way halfway thru
leaving them lost at SB.
hahaha.
thanks go that those visitors were good and they didnt wanted to blow up this matter.

i think i kinda racist now.
cos im pissed over two indian lecturers
one of them is my CRS tutor
and the other one is the stupid i-dunno-wads-her-name lecturer.

pon my Econs lecture again
went home str to study my accounts.
and hey! i did study!
and i took a 1.5 hr nap sleep.
haha

woke up to have dinner
and watch wo ai zhong wu yan.
my 1st time watching
didnt watch at 1st cos fann wong was acting in this show.
and i realised how stupid women in the past (as in really many centuries ago, where the king have 3000 wives)
1 king have 3000 wives
and most of the 3000 women loved the king deeply.
i mean wad for love a man who shares his love with the rest of 2999 women?
how much do u get in return?
this shows the stupidity of women.
argh~~ love cause pple to get stupid.
this is wad i think.

think eversince the reopen of school
start of term 3
i've not met up with mL le.
i miss them can.
not sure if this CNY we can get to meet up or not.
argh~~missing someone too much can really bring u to tears.
missing someone means u've gt the time.
missing someone means u are recalling the memories
whether good or bad memories, u will still like it.
becos missing someone means that that someone really means alot to u.
i mean, will u miss someone u hate?

and i feel tt no matter wad wrongs did my best frens do,
i'll forgive them although i cant forget the wrong doings.
wad i wanna say is....
the bondings in strong frenship can really overcome everything.
at least, to mi, this is wad i think.

finance?

banking?

marketing management?

tourism mangement?

supply chain management?

retail management?

which 1 should i choose?

im really lost.

im really vexed.

y should we make so many decisions and choices in 1 life?

gosh~~maybe i shouldnt have take diploma in business admin at the first place.

accounts CA3 is this fri

yet i cant get any shit into my head.

i hate accounts.

i hate petty cash

i hate bank reconciliation

i hate everything.

den y m i taking business course at the 1st place?

argh~~

but i oso dun like sciences

tts y i chose business.

haiz.

today, i think i kinda pms la

dun have the mood to tok

dun have the mood to listen

passed xin 1 mandarin orange and 0.5 pair of my big dangling star earing.

in the squeezing train, im surrounded by manymany black indians.

they are produce the smell of jasmine + milk

gosh~~almost fainted.

tml's my open hse duty!

hao qi dai wor!!!

thx for those who showed concern.

i love u guys.

i wun bare to take u guys as 'chu qi tong'

i'll feel guilty.

juz leave mi alone to cool down when im not feeling good

and u can c mi feeling better after tt.

*muacks*