my story. my life

crossroad.
dilema.
confused.

life is so unfair.
but thats wad everybody gonna accept it.
so am i.

i know its been 19 years since i took my very first breath,
but up till now, its really difficult not to compare.
yes, i know i should be contented with what i have...
but sometimes, i couldnt help but continue to envy others, or maybe sometimes to the extent of being jealous.
maybe thats human nature,
maybe thats the childish and insensible me.
for all i know, what i've lost or missed, could nv be returned.
therefore, its really difficult for me to stop envy-ing others, jealous over [you-know-who]
yes, i dun deny this fact that my living environment is really fortunate compared to alot of pple.
i do treasure and cherish everything in my life.
but the imbalance in me.... is smth that is always there eversince the start of my sec sch life and it still exists.

the truth hurts, and im learning how to deal with it.
everybody needs time to learn to let go,
and maybe i just need a little more time compared to others.

i guess, majority of us always make comparisons,
and thats y life has always been complicated.
its the enviroment that most of us have been brought up in.
when we were young, parents compare our results with others.
teachers compare our behaviour with others.
classmates compare their academic welfare with others.
friends compare about the environment they live in.
colleagues compare abt the ranks and salaries.
with all this comparisons, pple react differently.
some work harder to achieve their desired goals.
some use cunning tricks and methods.

but i choose to dwell on the past and complain abt my helplessness.
cos i guess...thats the only thing i can do to make myself better.
its a way for me to relieve the anger, the pain, the jealousy.

sorry if i've upset you with what i've said.
i may be spoilt in my own way.
yes. you are right, no use comparing when things are over.
i only make maybe more angry only.

im so glad that i have u with me now.
thanks for everything.
sometimes what i do may not be enough to show how feelings grow.
i am blessed.
i am happy.
cos i have you.
:)