.promise.

It never occur to me that promise is just and empty word to me, until yesterday, when i had a tiff with dear for breaking my promise.

Promise- something so important, so saint, so meaningful and so hopeful to him. Yet, over here, i looked upon promise so lightly and easily, that i almost didnt know what is the exact meaning of the word 'promise' anymore.

And with that, I portrayed myself as someone who is irresponsible, not trustworthy and someone who only make empty promises. Its a miracle, how he could tolerate me again and again, continue to love me and not giving me up.

On my way back home yesterday, i recaped what happened between us in the day and then reflected my ations and behaviour, trying to find out what promises really mean to me. why am i someone who take promises so lightly.

The only reason to defend myself is that im being brought up in an environment of empty promises. It doesnt really matter to me that someone break his/her promise to me. It really doesnt matter to me because, from young, i've learnt to look at promises lightly and not give a damn abt those promises which makes people goes 'awww....'
I've learnt how not to feel so hopeful about a promise. I dont feel extremely happy or assured even if someone fulfilled his/her promise. My parents sometimes make empty promises too and i've learnt how to deal with it. My friends makes empty promises and i've learnt how to not let it bother me. In other words, i've excreted the word 'promise' out of my world, my dictionary. It's like a vase, beautifying the whole picture. Just a vase, a plain vase.
And then, i wonder if pushing the word 'promise' out of my dictionary is equivalent to pushing the responsibilities im liable for ???

yup, maybe to others, all the above were just bullshits and lame excuses. Im ok with people thinking this way because i would too, if im a third party. I'll see myself as an irresponsible piece of shit.
my uncle said " you're just like a piece of shit" right into my face when i told him i'll rank friends before family a few years back. and i tell you, it really doesnt feel good at all.
but hell, now, i really feel no difference from being a piece of shit.
I felt so regretful so making empty promises, hurting the one i love, the one who love me.

And today, i finally learnt my lesson.
Never promise anything that you arent sure if the promise can work out. Especially to your love ones. If notm the outcome will turn out so disappointing and so disatourous. It misplaces one's trust. And yes, in every relationship that is significant, trust is the foundation.

Instead of saying "i promise", i would rather say "i'll try my best"

Im currently accepting the word 'promise' into my world again.
Im currently learning the importance and significance of the word.
A simple word, yet contain tons of responsibilities, hopes and trusts.

At the end of the day, my advice is not to promise anything that you arent capable of, or promising without thinking of the feasibility. Sometimes, it is just so difficult because, promising and not promising will also lead to disappointment.

A promise is still an empty promise if not delivered completely, regardless of how much effort or sacrifices is invested, in trying to deliver it.

I must admit im not a good girlfriend, someone who tends to be irresponsible, someone who runs away from problems, someone who makes empty promises, someone who always makes statement without thinking which cause negative consequences.

But im very sure that, be it because of my environment or my incapabilities, i'll do something to achieve my promise even if i know i will fail to complete the whole picture.

i dunno what will be your reaction when u see this post.
all i want to say is.... sorry for making empty promises.
from now on, i'll see promises at the angle that u are seeing.
love!