i tried to appear normal infront of everyone.
its really tiring by trying so hard.

everyday, my throat hurts so much from gulping down my tears, so as the tears wont flow out of my small eyes.

everyday, i tell myself he would get better, but the reality is just so true for me to deceive myself.

everyday, i cry myself to slp, hoping that the day wont come.

everyday, i woke up with sore eyes and headache, without the motivation to do
anything, yet i have an important task on hand.

everyday, i would start thinking of the past, and i would be disgusted by my
actions, for going out with my frens instead of having dinner at his house.

everyday, i have to tell myself to be strong, but whenever i thought of the pain he is suffering, i breakdown.

everyday, when i visit him, i hate myself for not being able to chat much with him and ease the pain he is suffering.

yes, there's an end eventually in one's life.
but he dun deserve to suffer all these pain. really.

im tired.
i dun wanna be strong.
i dun wanna pretend nothing's wrong.

its really so hard to accept the reality,
no matter how prepared i am, i still wont be able to accept the worst.

this time, its for real.
define sadness. define helplessness. define pain.

unbearable tears- my definition to the above 3.

stay strong.
but how strong can one be?

dear god, pls dun take him aaway from us.

A very happy CNY to all~

This year, CNY was almost the same as the previous years,
all i did was eat, watch tv and gamble at relatives or friends' hse.
My luck this year wasnt that bad, since i didnt really lose money while gambling.
I hope the luck keeps coming in!

Before New Year, Xin and Me went to Pat's house to learn how to bake cornflake cookies!
The response from friends and relatives were positive, so i might consider selling them the next CNY IF my daddy decides to invest in a bigger and better Oven.

For the previous CNY, when we visit relatives' hse, its really easy to identify who is the eldest and who is the youngest among us, the 4 sisters.

However, this time round, it wasnt a simple task to them anymore,
somehow, my sis all seemed to have grown taller and dressed in a more matured way,
im often being mistook as the 2nd or the 3rd.
And i believed, in a few months time, when my youngest sis continue to grow taller,
I'll be the shortest in this Lim Family.
Damn. Cant they just stop growing vertically?
Had enough of people laughing at the scene of us standing together, with me being the shortest.
I dun mind being the shortest, but my size doesnt fit my height!
#)(&^%%$#@!~!*

On the other hand, life is really unfair,
cos the person, who prays so hard not to grow taller, is growing taller.
*flash my evil look at Hui Mei*
Will i ever grow taller again?

There was once when i was eating lollipop,
and one of my relative mistook me as the youngest one,
her reason was "u eating lollipop, so i tot u the youngest"
but then...so says grown-ups cannot eat lollipop?

Maybe i just dont look my age, and i look younger than my age,
which is a good thing, cos this means tat i dun look Chao Lao.
Haha. Self -consolations.

The only part i enjoyed during this CNY is to doll myself up.
Been learning how to put on eye shadow and i tried on the green one.
I think it looks good with my fake lashes. Somehow, my eye seems to brighten up.

Went to Huimei, Qj, Jw and Tobs house yesterday for clique New Year gatherings.
Original plan was to have steamboat at marina, but ended up eating KFC at Tob's hse.

Like wad tobs says, this may be the last time we will be gg to his house.
hmm....

Damn Damn Damn!
I've gained 2Kg! can u believe it?
omg omg. I really have to work extra hard to shed off more weights before grad ball!!!
thanks to ba guas, lapis cake and hei bee hiam.
i feel so guilty now!

Been thinking really alot since exams ended.
and i really hate that,
cos i end up losing sleep.

However, i cant ctrl my mind.
the more i asked myself not to think,
the more my mind thinks.


sometimes,
as we understand each other more,
more conflicts arises,
the insecurities and uncertainty in me increases,
the more i felt that we are distancing from each other.

i wonder,
Is there a limit to compromising?
and if there is, where is mine and where is yours?
can we compromise for as long as a life time?
can we accept each other's fault for a life time.

am i really the one that u're looking for?








totally not in the mood for CNY.


think, i'll be creating a new blog which allow me to 'lock' some of my posts for personal reference.
any recommendations?

i lose my voice.
i cant sing.
:(

somehow when its finally over,

it feels like something is missing,

the once 'oh-so-packed' life says goodbye,

and i begin living each day aimlessly.

the moment i dread is finally here for me to decide.

Which direction should i head next?

as usual, life is full of uncertainty.

theres so many things i wanna try,

but do i qualify for them?

im so used to somebody making the decision for me.

now the ball is in my hands,

i've gotta learn how to pass and throw the ball,

rather than leaving it to fate, and letting it fall.

but then again, its like im loosing control of my life.

like seriously, does everyone feel the same as me?

the weakest cant survive in this society. we gotta fight for our living.

and through past experience, i really felt that im the weakest.

the wall that i depended on since young, seems so filmsy now.

omg. omg. omg.

im loosing slp everynight whenever i think of my future.

my head hurts, my throat hurts, and world seems to be spinning.
it must be the effect of the cough medicine. It must be.

b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b!!!

i jus cant seem to focus on my b2b chapters.
i just cant get those notes into my damn head.
memorise like nv memorise like that....

but bu but...

im so looking forward to tomorrow...

last paper!

and of course,

1 yr anniversary for me and him.

*gg back to my notes* shoo~

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

You Are 20% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have. Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

Are You Spoiled?

You Are 20% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have. Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

Are You Spoiled?

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional.You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly.Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you.You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature.Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

http://www.blogthings.com/doyoufollowyourheadoryourheartquiz/">Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

a few weeks ago....


half an hour ago....



above is my sis's master piece. I think i looked like some transexual.
omg.

to my beloved Mr. Tan:
i hope the above pictures wont scare u away.
haha


p/s: the make-up for the last picture is not real,
my sis used a program to edit it....


i really really dun feel like studying.
:(

sometimes, i really wish that there's a clone of myself out there.
with her around, i can share my thoughts with her, share my little secrets with her, discuss my decisions with her, tell her all my problems without really explaining and elaborating much.

she will be the only one who will truly understand how i feel,
understand how i think,
understand how i behave,
understand my everything,
cos, she is just another samantha lim on this earth.

she will be there to share my thoughts,
she will understand my plight.
she will never question how i derive at a decision cos we both think the same way.

we will both share the same dream,
share the same happiness
share the same sadness.

we can really do and say about anything,
without having to explain and going into details,
without having her misunderstanding me,
and without me defending myself over things that i've said.

however,
i guess, having her around wont be a great help for me,
because, we are both indecisive.
if we were to decide on smth,
we will end up looking at each other at the end of the day,
with no decisions.

haha.
i think this is a funny post.

but i really wish that theres another samantha lim xiao wei beside me now,
so she can understand the feeling im having now.

the feeling,
which i no need to say, no need to describe,
but still, she will only be the one who knows and understand.

and most importantly, accept me for who i am.

only with her around, i can be my own self.

but then....

i wont share my boyfriend with her.

this is really a funny post.

haha.

Its been a long time since i blogged isnt it?

incase u guys miss me, im fine!

Its study week now, and i'll be graduating unofficially on my last day of exam which is on the 8th Feb.

WOW.

juz struggled through the toughest period of my Year 3 life.

handed up all report on time, except for my BD financial phase, which is dragged way beyond time.

Looking back, as much as i hate the life i lead at that moment, I'm missing it now.

its like, u can only experience that when you are still a student.

no doubt, in the society, u need to meet all datelines, but the feeling is different already.

i really wanna thank Mr. John Foo, for guiding my group [which i think only consists of 2.5 person when its full strength is 5] throughout this whole year. Without him, i really dunno what will happen. haha.

Had my final presentation to the bosses of SingaFood on 15 Jan.

jy and i were the presenters.

and this time round, i didnt prepare any scripts any yet managed to present through without much problem. haha.

and this one of the food item we prepared:

the chocolate man tou.

and because i steamed extra and brought it to school for incase, and nobody wanted to eat, so i kept it in my lunch box and bring it home again on the very day.

However, as you know, Samantha Lim Xiao Wei is a lazy and forgetful girl,

once i reached home, i juz leave my lunch box in a paper bag, and i hang the paper bag on one of the chairs and totally forgot abt its existence.

1 week later, my mummy went to open the lunch box.....

and tadah~

MOULDS GROWING ON IT!

it was really gross!!!!

it really looked like theres mushroom growing on it with dirty green patches all around the surface. and worst of all, theres like spider web covering the skin which i think look abit like candy floss.

disgusting is the word.

juz only 1 week, to be precise, its 6.5days, and the man tou become like this!

eeyer!!!!!

i didnt dare to smell it even though my sister challenged me to.

my mum thought i was conducting a science experiment!

-.-

i showed my dad this "science experiment" and he hurried me to throw the whole lunch box away.

haha.

the last 2 weeks of school, we had so many presentation that i almost didnt have enough formal wear to fit myself.

my only formal skirt had to be shared for so many presentations.

but im glad its all over la.

and the greatest news is,

our mmit project (Kenwood Marketing Campaign) managed to get into the FINALS!!!!

so happy!

a little more hardwork to be put in for the finals on 2nd March.

Princesses, lets work hard for the $1000 ba!

went to sec3F/4E chalet on 13 Jan

saw alot of faces which i didnt see eversince we graduated from MJR.

those who went army, becomed so talkative~

talk and talk and talk, abt army of course.

reached there late cos i was working on my BD presentation at JY house earlier on.

and so when i reached there, i felt kinda out of place.

i certainly loved gatherings, but its like....everyone's doing their own things, so difficult to feel united again.

i left at 11pm, when xin came. haha.

my life now is like a cross road.

so bleak. so lonely. so uncertain.

haiz.

i really dunno where and what should i start from.

im 75% confident that i cannot qualify for uni,

and i have no interest in private Uni.

but den, people say, u cant go far with a diploma.

plus, my communication skills is rather weak, and therefore, a sales job wont really suit me.

and that is why the more i need a degree.

i guess, what i can do now, is to continue sending out my resume and see which company wants me ba.

when u are given with so many options and choices, life becomes complicated.

and you know, samantha doesnt like complications.

boo~~

and when im bored, i play with my phone's camera!

so fun, yet bo liao. haha!



i guess, everybody's wish is to face smth like this 1 fine day....












[to become a millionaire]

question of the day.

after listening to most of my fren's story.....

can love and trust be mutually exclusive at the same time?

im not avoiding any problems.
im just not in the right state of mood and emotions to discuss deeper into the matter.
im sad and troubled by the two ____( feel in the blanks with all the vulgarities) guys in my bd group.
one doesnt want to pick up my call or reply my sms.
one haven send his work to me regardless of my repeat reminders.
i just cant save the damn fucking teaser ad into movie format.
whats wrong with the damn original source of the pictures?
why you this damn computer make life difficult for me?!

i just feel like giving the whole of phase 3 up.
not caring if the analysis was correctly done,
not caring if the figures are correct,
not caring if its rightfully balanced,
and just hand up all the shit work.

i just feel like blasting all the vulgarities i know!
AHHH!


i shouldnt....i really shouldnt bring up this matter today.
it just caused me to be upset,
not because of you,
but because of myself, for bringing it up to u today, when i actually know that i cant handle the whole situation well.
damn myself!

i really feel so surrounded by stress and problems, that no matter how much tears was shed, i wont feel or get any better.

what a good start for year 2007.

hang on for 2 more weeks.
2 MORE WEEKS.

confession of pain.

i think its a nice show worth which worth the price of a weekday ticket.
i would rate it better than curse of the golden flower.
cos the storyline of curse of the golden flower very boring. (even though your eyes can feast on the assets of women)

after watching confession of pain...
by just looking at the title,
it sets me wondering....
is it very difficult to confess something which pains u?

whatever.
to conclude, i think, all types of confession needs courage.

Xmas 2006 celebrations.

mLsars gathering.


Weekdays gathering.

Test my balancing skill at amanda's house

haha. look at my sis retarded face. i can foresee her hammering me by posting this pic up.

didnt take any pics with class clique and dear during our christmas gathering. =(

anyways, xmas was fun and fruitful (in terms of presents) this year! im a happy girl!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the last day of year 2006.

having the feelings of mixed emotions now, treasuring every breathe of the moment.

because, once the clock strike 12 tonight, year 2006 will nv return.



so many things happened this year.

good ones, bad ones, happy ones, sad ones.

i believe, everything happens for a reason.



looking at last year's 31st dec entry, its like so emo and sad!

couldnt remember i felt that way already.

anyway,

i didnt set any new year resolutions this year.

haha! but i think i there are still some accomplishments!



i've got my driving license.

i've slimmed down a little.

cant think of any major one already....



and oh ya.

year 2006, its the year i accepted dear into my life!



so new year resolutions for the coming new year?



hmm....



slim down more,

smooth r/s,

earn more $$$$$



think that will be all.



we shouldnt be greedy.



=)



happy new year everybody.



*back to my report. so sad. haha*

Went xin's house as early as 8.30am to trouble her for helping out with my BD accounts.
it was incredibly messy even though john foo already help me balance my year 1 figures.
Up till 12pm, we were still figuring out why the balance sheet cannot be balance.
I really dont understand how people can stand the job of being a accountant. All they do is to face dead and boring figures.

We dated Pat( our teacher!) for lunch and was waiting for her to reply xin's sms on the venue and time to meet. But Pat said she planned something special for us which leaves me and xin anticipating what is she up to.
While xin is dressing herself up, i took an artistic photo of myself.

Dont you guys think its artistic? Haha. Im in the small little purple-framed mirror.

And while xin is busy checking the accounts, i took out all her rings and tried in on my own fingers. lame right?

Finally received Pat's call and she asked as to take a cab to Regents Hotel from cityhall taxi stand. We were so puzzled by her because we were wondering why must we take a cab specifically from the taxi stand outside Robinsons.
We did as what we were told and tadah~ we reached Regents Hotel.
We were treated like VIPs and i tell you, the feeling was wonderful. (sound so sua-ku)
Then we waited for Pat at the lobby started feeling that we were underdressed for this kind of place.

Then, Pat appeared! omg. she is still as pretty. and she treated us to this English High tea set. It was so much like fine dining. It was our 1st time dining at this kinda place and environment, so Xin and me felt so stressed and tensed up as we dun really know what to do with the cutlery and stuffs, and we were pratically sitting up straight on our back for the 1st 15 minutes!

I tried their Carribean Summer and it has an orangy-fruitty taste. Smells very sweet. and whats more important is that the colour of the tea is PINK in colour. So pretty!

Xin ordered Earl Grey which i think it tasted like my perfume from Body Shop.

The tea pot and the tea cup.

Chatted while we struggled to finish the pastries. We can really talked alot! from guys to life to future to love to religion. Felt so inspiring and comfortable talking to her. Its been a long time when i have this kinda conversation already. I dunno how to describe her, she is just like our idol. there's just so much to learn from her.

We left Regents hotel at 4pm and she drove us back to Eunos. The traffic lights at eunos were all out of order! the traffic was like scary. those people having driving test at around that time must be quite unlucky ba.

But the sad thing is....we forgot to take pictures with Pat. :(

After we reached home, we headed back to our accounts. time seems to pass so fast when we are figuring out the numbers.

Supposed to leave house at 6.30 to head to parkway to meet weekdays for k box session. But by the time we finished the accounts, it was already 8pm! felt so bad as the rest had to wait for us!

Regreted not bring ear plug to Kbox because TOR TECK CHIAT was simply irritating when the microphone is with him. haha! Nevertheless, really enjoy that night even though i was feeling real tired and i had to leave at 11pm. Going to meet them up on Christmas day itself to go KUSU island!

yippee! sounds odd. but who cares?! it will also be my first time there!

ANd to Pat: if you are reading this, i wanna thank you for the treat again!
Learnt so much from you!
Like wad Xin said, we love you.