my story. my life

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of youI am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

this song is like stuck in my mind for the whole day.
hmm....
think of it, when was the last time u've learnt the hard way because of somebody?
and i particularly like this paragraph in this song:
"I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with"

have u ever felt like this before?
when u got so hurt that you almost felt that u cant breath.
that u can feel nth because ur heart went numb.
and then, u totally shut off to ur surroundings.
u can only feel the numbness of ur heart slowly wear off and den u start to feel them tear and shatter into pieces.
u tried very hard to put on a smile and say "im fine"
den ur eyes begin to have that slight burning sensation.
theres a lump in ur throat that seems very eager to push its way up and u try very hard to push it back down.
and u finally gave in to everything, den tears stream down.

its a very terrible feeling.
i really dunno wad is worse than having this type of feeling.
i went through it twice and to be frank,
its so so so frightening that i think it somehow changed mi emotionally.

somehow, memories of how i got hurt kept coming back to mi when i listen to this song.

perhaps this is one of the reason i dun dare to take a step out.
the fear seems to have grown in mi unknowingly.
its not because of the pain.
its juz because whenever i think of it, it will remind mi how i felt when im hurt and i cannot find anything to forgive the reason that caused mi to be in that state at the point of time.

i think u guys wun know wad im trying to bring across....
wad i really want to say is....
a shattered heart will always be a shattered heart,
no matter wad u do to it,
u cant change the fact that its once shattered.


shall update on my school's life ba.
handed up the 2 killer reports on friday.
this week was really a killer week.
everyday stay in sch till very late and stay awake till wee hours to complete the stupid reports.
supposed to hand up the report at 5pm,
but we cant finish by 5, so handed up at 6pm.
so now im only left with 2 more report(ecm) which i think i wun do much on it since im going to shanghai and it will be due immediately after cny holiday.
3 more presentations to go.
and den followed by exam.
wow! den my attachment period will start!

went to help out for the open house at marketing booth with hx.
so many pple, see le i immediately can feel the dizzy spell coming.
the new diploma - diploma in tourism and resort management is so hot! so many pple asked abt this course!
but the intake is only 80 students nia.
high demand, low supply. haha

den went jp with hx and hm to meet jy, celine, jw and huat for lunch.
had delifrance that i'd craved since 3 days ago.
haha.
after that did some retail theraphy with my parents!
i didnt shop for so long le lor!

and shit! im suppose to finish my ecommerce research and send it to jy by tonight but i haven done anything.

so i should stop here.

most prob wun be blogging again until i return frm shanghai.
take care pple,
dun miss mi too much
and enjoy ur cny!