finally watched 200 pounds beauty.
a nice show.
i wonder if i will look pretty and sexy and fabulous if i go for a head to toe cosmetics surgery or not.
but anyways, i have decided.
i will go for a cosmetic sugery
when i earn my first million.
whahaha. hope that day will come before im too old for that.


sometimes, i really feel that im the luckiest person on earth.
and that sometimes is when im living only with one eye opened.

and when i open both of my eyes to look and see this world,
i can only step back, and start envying.

theres no point envying others, yet i dun take any actions to make my life better.
but sometimes, we have to understand that life isnt fair and there are always some things which no matter how hard we try, we will not get what we want.

why are there such people who can lead such good life even without trying?
i can only describe them as disgusting out of pure jealousy.

i ranted all these thoughts to miss wu,
and she says she understands how i feel,
yet dun understand how i feel.
ya, thats because we place different priorities in our life.

but anyways, after talking to her,
i think, i found my qualified half clone,
who is no other than the above mentioned.

well, from now on, to make myself feel that im the luckiest person on earth,
i shall just lead my days with only one eyes open.
haha.

its funny how empty i feel right now,
even if im doing alot of things at one time,
trying to fill my life with work and tuition,
trying to feed my brain and eyes and emotions with romance, thrills and suspense (from storybooks and movies)
i still feel so empty.

my qualified half clones feels the same way too.

i really wonder, wads wrong with our life at this moment.

i dunno wads wrong with me,
but im having a really serious problem getting myself to dreamland every night.
im so tired physically,
but when i lie flat on my bed, preparing for beauty sleep,
my oh-so-special-and-wonderful-and-creative-yet-simple mind starts taking its own exciting journey,
not sparing my tired body.

as if these were not enough,
my stupid maid will talk loudly on the phone,
IN OUR ROOM, WHERE ALL OF US WERE SLEEPING IN.
#$&$*(*^&%$^#

i really dunno why.
i cant seems to remember when was the last time i really slept.
and when i finally can sleep, its almost time for me to get up for work.
:( so depressing.

during the 2 to 3 hours of sleep,
my mind was still very active.
im having weird dreams almost every night,
and the dreams always revolve around the same situation-- im dying.
in my dream, everybody is crying for me,
my dad, my mum, my sis, my bf, my friends.
and the fear of me dying was so strong and real, leaving me to wonder if what im dreaming is actually true or not.

and eversince my grandfather's death,
i feel that my life is so fragile, that i may die anytime.
for example, last sat, while having dinner with jiayi, i choke on my fish and chips.
i coughed and coughed, trying to gasp for air, but i couldnt stop coughing.
the next thing i knew was tearing running down.
i really tot i was dying!
and that jy is still laughing at my tears. hahaha.
i find it funny after that too.

yesterday, i was on my way back to office after lunch,
everyone in front of me were crossing,
and so without thinking much, i crossed the road too.
the next thing i heard was a loud horn,
i turned my head, and saw a van coming my way.
if not for the lady who pushed me forward,
i might not be where i am now.

life, is really scary.

but on the hindsight,
i think im blessed,
to survive all these incidents.

just found another song by janice. i hope you are hearing wad's playing on my blog, cos its really a nice song!

Never Let You Go.

The rain, just never seems to bring
the joy, I feel the same
everlasting pain of my loss remains

My heart, can't seem to learn to part
the hold you left the mark
all that I dreamed of now it seems so stark…

Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in…’

If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you
I won't live my life without you

If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and you know,
I'd never let you go’

The way, you left me on the train
I don't know what to say
I remember everything on that day
I can't believe we'd never dance
I just need one more chance
to share the sunset our one last romance

Repeat…’’






baby, i'll never let you go.
i love you.

im feeling so depressed inside me,
feeling that all the unluckiest thing all happening on me.

i've been hearing sad stories from friends around me everyday.
sometimes when i really understand the pain they are going through,
i dunno if i should feel lucky and happy for myself that what happened to them is not happening to me,
or should i feel sad cos i've also experience part of what happened to them, and imagine my outcome to be like them.

i've been so depressed everyday this week.
when im depressed emotionally, i feel so depressed of work.
when i feel depressed of work, i think spending on food to treat myself will make me feel better.
after indulging, i feel even depressed, cos i cant imagine the amount of fats that those food had contributed to my body,
and tadah~ the depressed cycle continues.


i miss my bf so much.
:(

the emptyness.
i dunno why.

feeling a little bit down.
i dunno why.

maybe maybe,
its the process of growing up.

from a carefree student life, to a life whr major decisions have to be made.

its nice to have a heart to heart talk during rainy days.
feels that not only the weather understands me, but also the listening ears.

sometimes, all we need is really so simple,
yet achieving it, involves tears, struggles, luck, money, opportunity, qualifications, etc etc.
y? y do we need so many things to achieve something simple?

so today, i learnt something new.
life can never be simple.

ah. there i go again.

im aging. are you?

i've got so much to say
but whr do i start?

and will you all understand?



心痛要用心药医

since im waiting for colleagues to go for lunch togethr,
i shall do some blogging first.

my job is ok,
learning different things everyday.
this is my 1st time taking up an admin job,
and i somehow felt like im so important in the department im in,
because i help them clear alot of backlog for a more efficient and effective work progress.
without me, my training will like have piles and piles of requests form to file!
im so important to the company!

working at raffles is damn interesting in the morning.
who says only guys can march?
if u were to walk through the raffles underpass,
u can hear the women's heels in unison!
its like marching lor...
haha

and thanks to mandy and louis,
im now a chinese tutor of an angmoh at pasir ris.
jus that the angmoh is a black one.
his father is an african and his mum is a malaysian.
so cool.
when i first reach his house, i thought im gonna teach a malay.
haha.

my colleagues not done yet,
but i shall end here,
incase my supervisor comes back from lunch.

miss me pple!