is everyone feeling the same as i do,
or is it juz me?

time is pressuring isnt it?
i look at my schedule,
it records my never-ending projects,
meetings,
dates,
birthdays,
tests,
assignments.

i find it so hard to set aside time for myself anymore.
when was the last time when i indulged in a very nice and soothing album,
thinking of nothing, but juz staring into the space and enjoying the air, the atmosphere?

maybe, it wont happen anymore.
no time for that.

haha.

really difficult to dig out my time anymore.
everything and everyone demands my time.
whatever decision i make,
there bound to be dissapointments.
but den....

infront of me, all i could see, is juz a wall, blocking my way.




i can feel myself aging already.

do you think that fairytale exist in reality?
one such typical example would be "....and they live happily ever after"

i used to belive it in the past,
and i reckon every child believes in it too.
we want our prince charming to find us with one of the missing glass shoe,
we want our prince charming to kiss us so that we can wake up from the long sleep.

however, nothing is perfect in this world, nothing is absolute in this world.
fairytales are too perfect.
and hence, when i grew older, i realise,

it will not exist at all.

"fairytale" is juz a term for us to fantasize,
a term for us to work towards it,
a term to teach children what peace and bliss is all about.

im practical,
im realistic.

if only all of you could think in a more realistic way,
u will understand my actions, my behaviour, my decisions.

i know the truth hurts,
but isnt this wad we have to go through when growing up?



im always having problems with my tone.
frens out there, please take note of my tone ok?
slap me, pinch me or do watever u want to remind me that, "hey, ur tone sux"
its really giving me a serious communication problem.
so hard to change, and always talking in a agitated tone without myself knowing it and hence gives people impression that im picking a fight.






if only i could put ur soul into my body so that u can experience my life, my thoughts and my feeling. period.

due to the recent unlucky events that befall on me,
i really think im really stupid and living on in this world seems like im just wasting the earth's resources.
but today, someone said this to me:

" you are not wasting the earth resources. u are living on for something and somebody. dun think that u are taking up space and wasting earth resources cos u are contributing at the same time.

you see ar, when you shit right, soon it will processed to be fertilisers, the grass will be getting nutrients and the grass will be happy, see, you are contributing.

even if ur shit is not being processed to be fertilisers, it will attract houseflies.
the houseflies will be happy cos they finally got more shit to feast on.
see, u make the houseflies happy.

if theres no shit, there wont be toilet bowl around.
therefore, u are providing happiness to different things!"

i know all these may sound lame to others who may be reading this.
but it meant so much to me.
its a form of sweet encouragement that made me feel im wanted. im living for a purpose. im being love.

after listening, i lean forward and said......
" i love you dear."
*muacks*

at the very moment,
if only i could let time stop and let everything remain.
the ambience,
the love,
him,
me.

i love him.
yes. i really do.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a few more minutes to 19 of oct.
Happy birhtday to LIN JIA MIN!

these were taken last saturday when the six of us went to compete in the CIMS competition.
we were the 1st runner up. Better than last yr.
well....should feel happy, but i guess i felt more of dissapointment than happiness.
haha. its not that my expectations were high, its just that i cant justify why the winner emerge as 1st.
not petty, but....i think we did better than them.

we cant change the outcome. we can only be glad that we've got this opportuinity to be involved in this competition.
no more sandwiches for lunch. yeah!

after the competition, went to watch 'silk' with the group members plus my bf, jw and zheng min.
if u want to watch...go ahead, but please go on a weekday. its not worth weekend charges.

went escape theme park on sun with huat, jy, pauline and jas since i have free tickets.
its hazy, hot and boring.
Escape is a place which u can only visit once in every 5 years.
cos its simply boring.
2 of its rides were under maintenanance.
its colosed on weekdays and opened on weekends only, and yet they schedule their maintenance on weekends.
well, i think the management should consider studying services marketing.

i had a really bad day yesterday.
things and people were against me.
i feel so down on my luck.
it feels really terrible to not let ur tears flow as and when they want.
haha.
and yeah, the stupid blogger here,
cancelled her practical test which is like in 3 weeks time, when she actually wanted to check her progress of her driving lessons.
how stupid and careless can one be.
i guess, im the extreme on this earth, wasting earth's resources and deprieving other's oppportunity to stay alive 'cleverly' in this world.
and guess wad, they earliest test date which is made available to me is 1st of march 2007.
kill me people.
at least, when i die, i wont feel so stupid and careless.
argh!
$#^#&%^*%&(%

All these pictures were taken on 7 Oct when i meet mLsars for my belated bday celebration at chicago steakhouse!

the food were yummilicious! and at the same time budget oso!

ah wei that xiao fu po was busy working~ poor thing. but its ok! u didnt miss out too much of fun except for the good food.

we stayed at the restaurant to chat even after we finished our dinner and the staffs cleared our table. And the staffs keep coming over to ask us if we want any desserts as if to inform us that we've been taking up their space for too long!

and upon request, they bought a cute epilator for me! but because of my laziness, wenna help me keep the present first. and when we departed, i forgot to take the present back from her. which means, i do not have the epilator with me now. -_-"

8 OCT

its xin's bday.

went to her hse to celebrate her bday. and she whipped a delicious meal for us! thankew so much!

and for goodness sake, i love the adidas watch we gave her as bday present. so chio!

chit chatted and see her outfit for her colleague's wedding.

hmm...den went home.

no mood to blog liao. tired sia. haven bath. gtg le. nitez.

went marina south for steamboat with classmates juz now.
and i tell u, its fun!
im begining to love my class,
im beginning to feel the bond.
looking back, we almost treat each other as strangers and those kind of 'hi-bye' friend before,
who would actually think that we will seat down as a class, laugh together, cooked together, at marina south?
its a sad thing that things like this always happen when people are going different ways.
abt 3 mths later, we'll graduate from SP, and after that, can we still be as crazy as now?
haha.
why is life like that?
they say, people will learn to treasure after losing things.
but den...this time round, im treasuring every moment i have with this bunch of classmates before we eventually say good bye to SP.
=)

anyway, back to topic.
we left marina south at abt 10.20pm.
decided to walk back to marina bay mrt station.
i thought the journey shouldnt be long and so i agreed to walk back together.
but guess wad time did we reach marina mrt station?
i tell u, its 11.20pm!
we walked for an hour!
haha. cos we lose our way half way through,
and thanks to wee kiat and Zheng Min (the two with no sense of direction) who eventually lead us back to marina mrt station.

departed from Marina bay and reached tanah mehra at abt 12am.
(im a cinderella)
was very lucky that i can still catch the last bus immediately when i came out of tanah mehra mrt station. can save money on taxi fare.

and during normal days, when i pass by the security guard house outside my house, the guard will greet me: "good evening!"

but juz now, the guard greeted: "good morning"

haha. its weird. and i was so worried that i will have to face the music when i reach home cos daddy was "bu shuang" with me when he called me at 10.15pm and i told him i was still at marina bay and he even threatened to change the lock of the gates. i really nv been home that late. normally, after 11.30pm if im still outside, i'll take a taxi straight back home. but this time round, im still in the train close to midnight.
its a wonderful experience i tell u. haha. its like a guai kia doing rebellious things for the 1st time.

bathed and watch channel u "say i do"

i tell u, i really like this show man!

its really sweet, even though jy disagree and think that y is there a need to confess and propose in public when u know that one day u will divorce.

haha. but i think its still very very sweet.
its like, listening to how the 2 couple met and how much they been through until today, one party decides to propose.
isnt this heart warming?
to witness the two love birds promising each other that they will love each other no matter.
i know in this society, things are practical and realistic,
but in me, i still wish for a little fairy tale to happen in my life. (which i think it did)

this week de episode is on the girl, proposing to the guy.
omg. i wonder where did she get her courage from.
with the help of channel U,
she managed to kneel down and say "will you marry me" at wisma atria, infront of the fish tank at B1. with many pairs of eyes on them.

when he say " of cos i do"
my heart go "aww....."
and my tears juz roll.
this is juz so touching.

i admire her courage.
really.

i still have a very traditional mindset,
and always believe that guys must be the one to propose.
now i still do.....
but who knows in the future, when i love and want him so much, i might juz do the same.

haha.
and again, who knows right?

but then again....
marriage is something more than juz a piece of paper.
so....
hmm....
who knows?