my story. my life

and so,
the funeral ended with over 100 friends and relative going to the crematorium with us,
watching him being slowly pushed to the place where he gonna be cremate is like so terrible
with all of us crying and shouting for ah gong,
its the most heart-wrenching scenario ever.

i dunno how much i've cried during that 5 days of funeral.
i just know that when i start crying, it cant seems to stop.
thanks to mummy,
she cry until so jia lat,
that influenced everyone ard her to cry too.
my sisters and i cried our hearts out and when ye ye saw us, he cried too.
the moment when i really cannot take it is when we are supposed to see ah gong the last time before they cover the coffin.
everyone in sight cried.
i want to remember how he looked before he gets cremated, and i will never get the chance again.

i swear that the laws and rules of the funeral is mean.
the rule says that wife cannot accompany husband to the crematorium.
and so, my ah ma have to stay at the funeral,
watching ah gong being drove away,
crying.
i witness this scene,
and my heart like goes aching like hell.
how could the rule do this?
so wu qing.

thursday ritual was tiring and i got burnt by the joss stick, and now, i have a burnt mark on my fingers.
it was sure painful, but i treat it as a gift that ah gong left it on me.

saw ah gong ashes yesterday.
his bones were white and pinkish,
and the master there told us that ah gong is a kind and good man,
that explains the colour of his bones.

im so happy upon hearing that,
cos he is truely a kind one in my heart!

the funeral had taken a toll on all of us, mentally and physically.
i still feel depressed sometimes,
but i chose not to show it.
cos i know ah gong, wont want me to feel that way.

i really missed my ah gong.