my story. my life

i dunno wads wrong with me,
but im having a really serious problem getting myself to dreamland every night.
im so tired physically,
but when i lie flat on my bed, preparing for beauty sleep,
my oh-so-special-and-wonderful-and-creative-yet-simple mind starts taking its own exciting journey,
not sparing my tired body.

as if these were not enough,
my stupid maid will talk loudly on the phone,
IN OUR ROOM, WHERE ALL OF US WERE SLEEPING IN.
#$&$*(*^&%$^#

i really dunno why.
i cant seems to remember when was the last time i really slept.
and when i finally can sleep, its almost time for me to get up for work.
:( so depressing.

during the 2 to 3 hours of sleep,
my mind was still very active.
im having weird dreams almost every night,
and the dreams always revolve around the same situation-- im dying.
in my dream, everybody is crying for me,
my dad, my mum, my sis, my bf, my friends.
and the fear of me dying was so strong and real, leaving me to wonder if what im dreaming is actually true or not.

and eversince my grandfather's death,
i feel that my life is so fragile, that i may die anytime.
for example, last sat, while having dinner with jiayi, i choke on my fish and chips.
i coughed and coughed, trying to gasp for air, but i couldnt stop coughing.
the next thing i knew was tearing running down.
i really tot i was dying!
and that jy is still laughing at my tears. hahaha.
i find it funny after that too.

yesterday, i was on my way back to office after lunch,
everyone in front of me were crossing,
and so without thinking much, i crossed the road too.
the next thing i heard was a loud horn,
i turned my head, and saw a van coming my way.
if not for the lady who pushed me forward,
i might not be where i am now.

life, is really scary.

but on the hindsight,
i think im blessed,
to survive all these incidents.