my story. my life

Hi everybody.
Now that im 20 years old, how great?

you know, its weird.
eversince the age of 17, i dun feel excited whenever my bday is approaching.
Although it means that there will be presents and ang paos, cakes and gatherings, but....
u know u will only continue to age, you dun want to face the fact that u are turning 1 year older, but you have to.

plus, eversince the age of 17, nothing good happens around my birthday period.
things that happened, chose to happen around september, which horribly dampens my bday mood.

and hence, eversince the age of 17,during every 27 sep, i will get so emo all over,i just feel like spending time alone, dun feel like interacting with others,then all the negative thoughts starts creeping in. emo because im gonna be like 1 year older. emo because i can never remain at 16, 17, 18 or 19 again. emo because 1 year older means more responsibilities. emo because my life span is decreased by another year. emo because i will say hi to fine lines and wrinkles again. emo because theres just too many things for me to be emo.

and when the clock strike 12 on 28 sep, i know its my day, and i can most probably have things my way. i physco myself that im the queen, and i will have the final say in most decision. i try to be happy and enjoy the day because this is the day when i can act like a queen who commands around. to simplify, ITS JUST BECAUSE IM BORN ON 28 SEP, AND ITS MY DAY. so i have every reason to be happy and feel happy.

time always pass extremely fast on 28 sep. its like 11.30pm in an blink of the eyes. then, i will secretly count down inside me, to see how much time im left to be the queen of the day. usually the last half and hour of 28 sep, i will feel emo again, all the way to 29 sep, cos the next time i can be queen again, it will be a year later.

and so, to summarise what i wrote above, im trying to say, im feeling EMO now. birthday is over. no more queen. no more MY WAY. more reality. how great.

however, last year, was the first birthday out of the past few birthdays which i had, that was celebrated peacefully and happily, with all my family members and friends all living well and healthily.

i tot last year was an indication of more happy birthday mood for me in the years to come. but thats not true.

i woke up early this morning, everything starts to go wrong.
i took out the pretty top which i intend to wear, and wanted to get it ironed cos it was crumpled.
so i happily took out the iron and the iron board, switched on the power of the iron, position my top nicely, take the iron with my right hand, put the iron down on the top.....

the next moment when i lift my my iron, i saw a hole on my top!

my top's material is those kind of silky material.

i forget to switched it to the cool mode.

you know how i felt at the instant.
i so much wanted to use the hot iron and iron my brain.
its like 20 years old already, i dun even know how to iron properly.
whats worst is, i only wear the top once only!
i feel so stupid and good-for-nothing.

so, no choice, i got to change my outfit.
i proceeded on to put on my make-up.
applied layers and layers of creams and powders to make myself feel pretty.

yes indeed, i felt pretty on my birthday,
but do you know how empty my heart feels?
so what if i feel im pretty? what i really wish for now, is not for me to become slimmer and prettier anymore. I JUST WANT MY MUM TO BE HEALTHY AND NORMAL LIKE BEFORE AGAIN.
nothing feels right today, without her usual greetings, helping me to buy birthday cake, giving me a peck on my cheeks, like how she used to do before.

whats the shit use of being pretty without all these?

ah! sad note aside.
im really glad that i've got my boyfriend today, to celebrate my birthday with me.
he was exceptionally handsome today, being extra gentleman, giving in to me more and tolerating my nonsense and absurbness.

even though its a simple dinner and simple movie and simple shopping,
all these were enough to brighten up my mood, feel like a real queen, make me dread the approach of 29 sep and the emo-ness that will soon be overtaking me.

I love you dear. Thanks for everything. i wondered how to survive the night with me being grouchy and picky on you. LOVE!

After that, daddy and sisters came all the way from home to fetch me back. cos they were afraid that i wont make it home in time to cut my birthday cake.

i wasnt expecting any cakes this year, and i was really touched and surprised when daddy said he bought it.
when we reached home, i looked at the cake (which i stupidly forget to take foto again) and laughed. He bought 3 slices of cakes instead. 2 mango, 1 strawberry. put on the candles and they sang the birthday song. i wanted to cry so much. i can't put how i feel into words. i guess u guys will nv understand how i feel.

ending my post here.
Below are my birthday presents so far.