ytd, i finally trimed my hair at the new salon outside my hse.
this is how i looked before the hair cut.
v v untidy, with long fringe!




i snapped off 1.5 inches off my original length,
and shorten my fringe.
much tidier?







i love my hair in these 2 pics!
but today when i woke up,
i couldnt do the same as what the hairdresser did for me ytd.
so depressing.
im gonna looked ugly for at least 1 mth before my hair grow longer.

i actually wanted to cut it short,
but scared that i will regret.

i wanted to perm it,
but scared that my face will look bigger.

i wanted to redye,
but i think DIY is a cheaper alternative.

but im so lazy to DIY.
haha.


tell me im pretty, it will be greatly appreciated.
thanks.

*can sense someone is going to throw eggs at me*

haha.


btw, a nice song for my blog isnt it?

can u believe?
i actually went jogging at 10pm just now, right after my 9pm show.
i dunno y, i just feel like going for a jog,
so i could enjoy the moment of peacefulness from the quiet road.
no cars, no pple, no noise,
just me, my footsteps, my breathing and maybe...insects.

it feels good. cos its been so long since i last jogged.
i wore a bright yellow shirt (even though im not suppose to wear that colour) in case cars happen to drive by and they cant see a girl running.
haha!

i ran and ran, dunno how long, dunno how many rounds,
until my soles detached from my adidas running shoe.
this pair of running shoe has been with me for....5 years?
and they finally broke down today.
of all days, it chose today, when i feel like jogging most.

y?
y are all my things failing, spoiling, disappearing, leaving me?

and i realised,
there must be a problem....
not with the shoes,
but the owner.

dun you agree?

haha.

today is yet another happy day.
sometimes when u are too happy, wad comes to your mind, is only the word "happy".
(or maybe "crazy".)

today, my pretty colleague asked me out for lunch,
and she brought me to this place for vegetarian food.
v v v v cheap!
bee hoon plus 5 dishes cost only $2.50!
omg. and it taste not bad too.

den she treated me to this soyabean icecream from mr bean.
its my 1st time eating it, and its v nice also!
i eat it even though my cramps are like killing me,
but when u are happy, nth can prevent u from being unhappy.

my dear wenna is gonna help me to create a new blogskin.
and i got so many themes in mind, i dunno which 1 to choose.

opps. my supvisor is back, gotta go back to work.



p/s. i realised when im happy, all my post are descriptive. haha.

im a happy girl!
i have no idea why im a happy girl, but im just a happy girl.

last week,
met up with ML to celebrate ling's bday.
we took lots of photos at marina square,
all the stores are closing,
and there were not much shoppers left,
so we start our cam-whoring session!
i've received the pictures from ah wei le, but im lazy to upload.

went to sentosa to get myself tan.
haha! but im sun burnt instead.
now the part that is burnt is very itchy,
i want to scratch,
but because my hands are short,
i cant really reach the exact spot.
help me, anybody?
haha.

met up with weekdays on sat night to sort of celebrate tech chiat bday.
he treated us to Hagan Daz.
we ordered the fondue.
and it was super shiok!
the chocolates really brighten up my day,
they made me feel so high and happy! and thats y im a happy girl!

and yesterday,
it was our graduation ceremony.
i was on my smile the whole day, cos i graduated successfully from SP!
woohoo~ rmbr the times when we have to rush projects and stuffs.
kinda missed them now even though i've graduated.

took lotsa photos in our grad gown (which i think its ugly)
but nevertheless, im happy, cos of the mood and atmosphere,
everyone is happy.

went to return my grad robe immediately with jy and hm,
and we head to KBOX
sang and danced to our heart content.
and guessed wad, i think i "over-dance" cos im having a super achy body.
its only when u are happy, then u can dance to my extent.
haha.

dined at PS, ended up its only the 3 of us,
but nvm, cos we are happy that we had MOS Burger for dinner. (or maybe, that only applies to me cos i suggested it)
managed to rushed back to catch the 9pm show!
so im happy!

i know i got limited vocabs and i keep repeating the word "happy"
go count how many times i written the word "happy"
and u will know how happy i am these few days.
=)


lalalala~ miss wu, i know this is a descriptive post, but because im happy, u shall be happy too.

im meeting up ah wei to shop!
and she said she love me today!
haha. SWEET and HAPPY!

i went to SIM with the intention of enrolling into UoL (University of London),
i waited 1.5 hrs for my queue number,
and went home without applying for UoL,
but instead, with RMIT application form and brochures with me.

i dunno wads stopping me to fill in the application form for RMIT (royal melbourne information technology) Uni,
maybe its the perception that pple have regarding the U.
i have heard several friends commenting that RMIT is not as good as UoL.

but UoL, u study business as a whole, whereas RMIT, u major in Marketing.

in UoL, u wont have hands on experience, and only have 1 exam at the end of the sem, 100% weightage, which means, ur results solely depend on the 1 exam.

whereas RMIT, its more like poly style, u will have grp projects, presentations and assignments, which contribute to part of the total marks.

both University are so different, so y do pple say RMIT is not good?
tell me tell me friends, who told u RMIT is not good?!

anyway, im not intersted in UoL after second tots, and thought abt the risk of having only 1 exam. I dun like the course structure and system and modules also,
and i dun need to attend any bridging course at night.
so, i'll most prolly study RMIT =)
my school will start 2nd July!
1.5 years later, i'll graduate with Bachelor of Business (Marketing). [hopefully]




as im trying to be more independent on myself, the insecurites increases too.
i hate uncertainties. really hate them.
they make me feel so weak and useless.
they make me feel like an idiot.

unknowingingly, its been 49 days after my ahgong's death.
days passes so fast isnt it?
soon, it will be 100 days,
then 1 year.

i still missed him, just that it wasnt as intense as the first few weeks,
but i STILL miss him.

sometimes, its really so easy to forget one's presence when everybody is so used to his/her absence.
i think, this is the saddest thing of all.
people whom u are closely connected and related to,
slowly and unknowingly forgets you.

just watched mars vs venus on channel 8 just now.
its a show with lots of interesting quotes.
i just love this kinda quotes,
cos there are so many sides of meaning to it, depending on your point of view.
and ur point of view can be affected by ur gender, age, character etc etc.
so interesting! and the show is sure funny!
and today, one of the quotes is:

"性是女人为婚姻付出的代价。
婚姻是男人为性付出的代价。”

omg. it really does sets me thinking,
and i cant help to agree,
yet i cannot agree.
so contradicting!

i hate contradictions, but when it comes to this type of things,
i love them,
cos i feel that im filled with different perspective!

i feel so happy when i come across this quote u know,
like, i suddenly grow wisdom!

sorry, i think i really become even retarded after my diarrhea.

talking about the diarrhea,
its the most terrible one i ever had.

u eat nothing,
but u keep shitting and vomitting.
and u feel dehydrated,
and u drink water, one mouthful of water only,
and then the shitting and vomitting process continue.

this month is not a good month for me.
i visited the doc 3 times within a month,
and spent like close to 100 bucks on medication fees already.

i must be healthier!
everyone also must orh!~

my sis took this without me knowing.
im wondering whats running through my mind at that moment.
or maybe, im just enjoying the scenary.

went chinatown OG to get my mothers' day present.

brought her down personally so she can make the right choice.
in the end, she chose one GUESS bag.
I dun really know how to appreciate GUESS bags,
but that was the 1st bag which i think was quite pretty,
but the price was rather pretty too.
Thank god for the 20% discount.

im running in and out of the toilet eversince this morning.

a diarrhea which doesnt hurt in the stomach,
but down there.

=(

i feel so terrible now.

finally watched 200 pounds beauty.
a nice show.
i wonder if i will look pretty and sexy and fabulous if i go for a head to toe cosmetics surgery or not.
but anyways, i have decided.
i will go for a cosmetic sugery
when i earn my first million.
whahaha. hope that day will come before im too old for that.


sometimes, i really feel that im the luckiest person on earth.
and that sometimes is when im living only with one eye opened.

and when i open both of my eyes to look and see this world,
i can only step back, and start envying.

theres no point envying others, yet i dun take any actions to make my life better.
but sometimes, we have to understand that life isnt fair and there are always some things which no matter how hard we try, we will not get what we want.

why are there such people who can lead such good life even without trying?
i can only describe them as disgusting out of pure jealousy.

i ranted all these thoughts to miss wu,
and she says she understands how i feel,
yet dun understand how i feel.
ya, thats because we place different priorities in our life.

but anyways, after talking to her,
i think, i found my qualified half clone,
who is no other than the above mentioned.

well, from now on, to make myself feel that im the luckiest person on earth,
i shall just lead my days with only one eyes open.
haha.

its funny how empty i feel right now,
even if im doing alot of things at one time,
trying to fill my life with work and tuition,
trying to feed my brain and eyes and emotions with romance, thrills and suspense (from storybooks and movies)
i still feel so empty.

my qualified half clones feels the same way too.

i really wonder, wads wrong with our life at this moment.

i dunno wads wrong with me,
but im having a really serious problem getting myself to dreamland every night.
im so tired physically,
but when i lie flat on my bed, preparing for beauty sleep,
my oh-so-special-and-wonderful-and-creative-yet-simple mind starts taking its own exciting journey,
not sparing my tired body.

as if these were not enough,
my stupid maid will talk loudly on the phone,
IN OUR ROOM, WHERE ALL OF US WERE SLEEPING IN.
#$&$*(*^&%$^#

i really dunno why.
i cant seems to remember when was the last time i really slept.
and when i finally can sleep, its almost time for me to get up for work.
:( so depressing.

during the 2 to 3 hours of sleep,
my mind was still very active.
im having weird dreams almost every night,
and the dreams always revolve around the same situation-- im dying.
in my dream, everybody is crying for me,
my dad, my mum, my sis, my bf, my friends.
and the fear of me dying was so strong and real, leaving me to wonder if what im dreaming is actually true or not.

and eversince my grandfather's death,
i feel that my life is so fragile, that i may die anytime.
for example, last sat, while having dinner with jiayi, i choke on my fish and chips.
i coughed and coughed, trying to gasp for air, but i couldnt stop coughing.
the next thing i knew was tearing running down.
i really tot i was dying!
and that jy is still laughing at my tears. hahaha.
i find it funny after that too.

yesterday, i was on my way back to office after lunch,
everyone in front of me were crossing,
and so without thinking much, i crossed the road too.
the next thing i heard was a loud horn,
i turned my head, and saw a van coming my way.
if not for the lady who pushed me forward,
i might not be where i am now.

life, is really scary.

but on the hindsight,
i think im blessed,
to survive all these incidents.

just found another song by janice. i hope you are hearing wad's playing on my blog, cos its really a nice song!

Never Let You Go.

The rain, just never seems to bring
the joy, I feel the same
everlasting pain of my loss remains

My heart, can't seem to learn to part
the hold you left the mark
all that I dreamed of now it seems so stark…

Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in…’

If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you
I won't live my life without you

If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and you know,
I'd never let you go’

The way, you left me on the train
I don't know what to say
I remember everything on that day
I can't believe we'd never dance
I just need one more chance
to share the sunset our one last romance

Repeat…’’






baby, i'll never let you go.
i love you.

im feeling so depressed inside me,
feeling that all the unluckiest thing all happening on me.

i've been hearing sad stories from friends around me everyday.
sometimes when i really understand the pain they are going through,
i dunno if i should feel lucky and happy for myself that what happened to them is not happening to me,
or should i feel sad cos i've also experience part of what happened to them, and imagine my outcome to be like them.

i've been so depressed everyday this week.
when im depressed emotionally, i feel so depressed of work.
when i feel depressed of work, i think spending on food to treat myself will make me feel better.
after indulging, i feel even depressed, cos i cant imagine the amount of fats that those food had contributed to my body,
and tadah~ the depressed cycle continues.


i miss my bf so much.
:(

the emptyness.
i dunno why.

feeling a little bit down.
i dunno why.

maybe maybe,
its the process of growing up.

from a carefree student life, to a life whr major decisions have to be made.

its nice to have a heart to heart talk during rainy days.
feels that not only the weather understands me, but also the listening ears.

sometimes, all we need is really so simple,
yet achieving it, involves tears, struggles, luck, money, opportunity, qualifications, etc etc.
y? y do we need so many things to achieve something simple?

so today, i learnt something new.
life can never be simple.

ah. there i go again.

im aging. are you?

i've got so much to say
but whr do i start?

and will you all understand?



心痛要用心药医

since im waiting for colleagues to go for lunch togethr,
i shall do some blogging first.

my job is ok,
learning different things everyday.
this is my 1st time taking up an admin job,
and i somehow felt like im so important in the department im in,
because i help them clear alot of backlog for a more efficient and effective work progress.
without me, my training will like have piles and piles of requests form to file!
im so important to the company!

working at raffles is damn interesting in the morning.
who says only guys can march?
if u were to walk through the raffles underpass,
u can hear the women's heels in unison!
its like marching lor...
haha

and thanks to mandy and louis,
im now a chinese tutor of an angmoh at pasir ris.
jus that the angmoh is a black one.
his father is an african and his mum is a malaysian.
so cool.
when i first reach his house, i thought im gonna teach a malay.
haha.

my colleagues not done yet,
but i shall end here,
incase my supervisor comes back from lunch.

miss me pple!

found this nice song in youtube! i think its a sweet song which makes me wanna fall in love again.



Janice - In Love again
Now Playing:

When you smile
my life becomes a ray of light
sing me a lullaby to sleep at midnight
I'll be hypnotized
when looked into your eyes
turn off the room light
let's spend the night

*Take me to far away
Away to your secret place
Take my tears my fears
Take all my pain for which
I'll repay Someday with a kiss and say
Can't believe that I'm in love
in love again

When the stars don't shine
And when the birds don't fly
And when the flowers cry
And when the rain runs dry
When the violet's red
and when the rose turn blue
Baby I'll still be in love with you

came across one of my primary school friend's blog,
and theres this which i think is quite true.
go try it out!
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.
(omg. this para is so damn accurately true. im speechless.)

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.
(i really think the test is scary, as if it can read my mind and heart. eeyer!)

Your confidence has been shattered. There are so many things that you would like to do with your life, so many dreams to be fulfilled - and you know that your hopes and dreams are not just figments of your imagination, they are real and you are looking for reassurance from someone. Basically your fears are such that you may be prevented in attaining your hopes and dreams. Even now you would like to broaden your fields of endeavour but in order to develop your 'inner- self' you need peace and solace. You are distressed by the fear that you may be prevented from attaining your goals. What you really need at this particular moment in time is quiet reassurance from someone close to you to restore your confidence.
(ya. true)

Whatever you strive to do, something always seems to be holding you back. There is no subterfuge in you. You are a clear thinker and all you demand from life, in a relationship, is a partner whom you can trust and with whom you can, together, develop a foundation of trust based on understanding. You are your own person and you demand freedom of thought to follow your own convictions. You have no interest in 'two-timing' and all you seek is sincerity and 'straight-dealing'.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material. (haha. i only think the last sentence not true as i think im not fit for managerial position and im not decisive.)

not having a job is really REALLY boring.
its really tiring when u have to think so hard to fill ur days up with activities.

i dunno why i have no luck when it comes to job hunting.
and when theres really a lobang,

the pay,

is again,

$6/hr


should i or should i not?


frustrated.

and so,
the funeral ended with over 100 friends and relative going to the crematorium with us,
watching him being slowly pushed to the place where he gonna be cremate is like so terrible
with all of us crying and shouting for ah gong,
its the most heart-wrenching scenario ever.

i dunno how much i've cried during that 5 days of funeral.
i just know that when i start crying, it cant seems to stop.
thanks to mummy,
she cry until so jia lat,
that influenced everyone ard her to cry too.
my sisters and i cried our hearts out and when ye ye saw us, he cried too.
the moment when i really cannot take it is when we are supposed to see ah gong the last time before they cover the coffin.
everyone in sight cried.
i want to remember how he looked before he gets cremated, and i will never get the chance again.

i swear that the laws and rules of the funeral is mean.
the rule says that wife cannot accompany husband to the crematorium.
and so, my ah ma have to stay at the funeral,
watching ah gong being drove away,
crying.
i witness this scene,
and my heart like goes aching like hell.
how could the rule do this?
so wu qing.

thursday ritual was tiring and i got burnt by the joss stick, and now, i have a burnt mark on my fingers.
it was sure painful, but i treat it as a gift that ah gong left it on me.

saw ah gong ashes yesterday.
his bones were white and pinkish,
and the master there told us that ah gong is a kind and good man,
that explains the colour of his bones.

im so happy upon hearing that,
cos he is truely a kind one in my heart!

the funeral had taken a toll on all of us, mentally and physically.
i still feel depressed sometimes,
but i chose not to show it.
cos i know ah gong, wont want me to feel that way.

i really missed my ah gong.

he ended his sufferings on 19 Mar 2007,
after suffering for 25days in the hospital,
he left, peacefully.

forever in my memories,

he will always be a great cook.
the days when he took me for ferry ride when i was young,
the days when he would punish me to stand outside the house when im naughty,
the days when he will bring me to the playground before dinner,
the days when he always say he bought ice cream and we can only eat it if we finish our dinner fast.
the days when he would travel overseas with us.
the moments when he told us about his story about his life with grandma.

i'll miss the delicious popiah that he always make.
i'll miss the egg that he specially cooked for my sis if we dine at his place.
i'll miss his new year yu sheng that he always prepare all by himself for the past new year.

the last thing that he asked me to help him,
was to help him calculate the number of hours he had worked,
to ensure that his employer gave the correct wages to him.

as i watched him getting weaker day by day, suffering in pain,
couldnt eat, couldnt talk,
my heart ached, and i can only hope that his sufferings can end soon.

and today, his sufferings ended.

forever in my memories,
my beloved ah gong.
rest in peace.

my dear desktop decided to die on me on wednesday night.
that explains my sudden disappearance from the internet world.
this got its pros and cons.
pros: im slping early cos i've got nth to do.
cons: its damn boring at home. eversince exams ended, staying at homes means TV and Internet. Now that my second source of entertainment is gone, and the other source of entertainment shows boring programmes, it drives me to bed.

im like stucked in this telemarketing job.
i've worked for like7days already, and i've not closed any sales.
and that jack-look-a-liked who only came for like 3 days managed to close a sale for his project.

i think im just plain suay lar.
he only follow up my ex-colleague's work, and he got the sale.
while me, slog hard through the usual office hours, call and call, but still kanna rejected.
i want COMMISSION.
but no one wanna come to the conference im sellling!

theres another reason y im suay.
i bought my loreal mosturiser from watson last night.
and when i reached home and conference chat with jy and hm,
jy told me metro having 20% sales.
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THAT SUCH INCIDENT OCCURRED TO ME.
shit my luck.

and just as im planning for a reason to quit my work,
i received another negative news that prevent me from quitting.

well...i guessed this is a sign telling me that i should stay on the boring telemarketing job till this project ends, and hopefully i can close some deals while following up on the emails i sent this week.

chatted with jy and hm and told them how scary i've became.

the reason y im hanging on this boring job is because of money.
maybe its because studies is not my primary focus now,
i tend to think of money every moment.
i have to say that, money is really the only motivation for me to stay in this job, as in i dun find any joy while working. but for the sake of feeding my bank account, i shall hang on. i guessed, if it was last time, i would have probably quit my job in less than 3 days.

im getting used to my pretty much routinised life now.
every morning wake up at 7.20am,
leave house at 8am,
reach office at 9am,
pick up phone and start calling,
look forward to highlight of the morning, which is lunch break at 1pm.
go back to office at exactly 2pm,
start to call till 6pm,
and leave the office at exactly 6pm.

thr goes 1 day unknowingly.

im taking up swimming once again.
im thinking if i should buy a new swim suit for myself,
since i've always been wearing my mum's and i dun think it fitted well....

i guessed, i'll only start thinking about this when my pay comes in.

money money money!

i think i wont be able to login so frequently,

because, my sisters will all be fighting over the use of this old laptop,
and everytime i reach home, they will use, turn by turn,
but it will never get to my turn.

the cons of having too many siblings.

weekdays gg HK next week.
gers, enjoy ur trip there and take good care of yourselves alright?!

i swear real hard that this is the most dissapointing and sad grad ball ever!

i had freaking thick and ugly make-up on,
with the most disgusting messy hair in the world.

and worst of all, it still cost 59 bucks.

how could they do this to me,
when its supposed to be one of the greatest event in every girl's life.

perhaps jiayi is right,
the make-up artist cum hair stylist hates me!

when i looked at the pictures,
i just feel like smashing the monitor,
and if possible,
destroy the evidence of my presence at the grad ball.
i really looked so freaking disgusting extremely UGLY.

im still considering if i should ask huimei to send me the pictures,
but it will only remind me of how disgusting i looked and how the money was spent on the disgusting make-up and hair.
i dun even dare to show my parents the picture we took that night.

IM SO DEPRESSED, COS I FELT THAT I WAS THE UGLIEST GIRL THAT NIGHT.

went to dblo for my very first club experience with my classmates after gradball. (and yes, still with the disgusting make-up on.)
it was fun lar, dancing and stuffs,
but because of my depressed mood, i didnt really enjoy.

nothing could make me better now.
no matter how much consolations i get frm friends, telling me im not ugly,
no matter how much assurance from my boyfriend that im not ugly,
no matter how much i tell myself that im not ugly,

BUT THE FACT IS, IM SO UGLY THAT NIGHT
THAT SUCK IN EVERY PICTURE I TOOK,
AND SPOIL THE WHOLE PICTURE IF ITS A GROUP PHOTO.

if i ever get a chance to erase something out of my life,
this gradball would definitely be one of them.

oh....i guess i will dwell on this for at least 3 months.

if only i could turn back time.....

23rd Feb
relatives gathered at my house.
its also the day when i decided to go on diet for grad ball.
however, it failed terribly cos my mum cooked my favourite curry!
my mum is evil!!! how to resist her curry?!!!



this is my 8 months old baby cousin.
she can never stop moving her small little body even when u are carry her.
therefore, we could not capture a still image of her.
nevertheless, she's so cute!
u smile, she smile.
u never smile, she'll still smile.
she's not afraid of strangers, who also can carry her!
and the best thing is, she got long lashes.
im so jealous!


24th Feb -- weekdays CNY steamboat gathering at amanda's house



i love amanda's house because her living room's wall is PINK.
totally warm and pretty. i love it.
this time round, teck chiat wasnt there, so no camera man, so we didnt managed to take much photos.



another reason y i love her house.
The sheet of mirror infront of her dinning table.

i fall in love with myself sometimes. haha. *shy*


after eating and a little of black jack at her house, we decided to go parkway to chat over a cuppa.
we took a bus from woodlands interchange to parkway.
the whole journey took 1 hour.
zZZZ.
upon reaching parkway,
cxin wanted to deposit some cash.
and beside the cash deposit machine,
there is this.....



and so i decided to try my luck.
slit in my 1 dollar coin.
turn the knob,
hoping to get a beautiful coin pouch.

and i got the green one.



i tot mine was ugly at 1st.
but the more i look at it, the more cute i felt it was.
but all of us, agreed that mine wasnt the ugliest.
the mickey mouse was the ugliest!
haha!


me and my cute green 'dou ji yen' coin pounch.
and oh, i love my pink nails.


2nd March 2007

had our marketing plan competition.
the day finally came.
i think i've sacrificed alot for this competition.
i rejected to job opportunities because of this.

supposed to assemble at 8am in the morning,
but we met at 6.30am in school that day to do some last min preparation.
tats so early lor!
i woke up at 4.30am to change to do my make up and stuffs.
so early!
the worst thing is, the 1st bus was at 6.24am,
so i had to trouble my mum to drive me to the mrt station at 5.40am.
thanks mummy~

although the results was abit dissapponting for us,
but its alright,
cos through this competition,
i've really learnt alot alot from my team mates, my coach and my tutor.
eventhough sometimes this project almost had us all breakdown, drained out of ideas,
i still dreaded the end of this competition,
cos this means that we're really gonna leave SP for real.
This competition marks the end of the project and student life.

my team mates - 21900!

us and Mr Cho, our coach for this competition




The champions~
felt so proud for our class man!





Thank you classmates and lecturers,
for all the wonderful experience and memories in SP.

after the competition,
went to ubi driving centre to supposrt chun hui.
and we received good news from amada and jiamin that they did well for their "A" levels.
feel so happy for them.

went to sakae at changi airport for dinner with them, even though i was super tired.
discuss abit about their upcoming HK trip,
and suggested some recommendations for them.

and when i reached home, i was shocked.
my eyes were super red.
i dunno y this always happen to my eye.
poor eye.


next up will my my gradball at 8th mar.
hopefully, i will be able to make it.

i tried to appear normal infront of everyone.
its really tiring by trying so hard.

everyday, my throat hurts so much from gulping down my tears, so as the tears wont flow out of my small eyes.

everyday, i tell myself he would get better, but the reality is just so true for me to deceive myself.

everyday, i cry myself to slp, hoping that the day wont come.

everyday, i woke up with sore eyes and headache, without the motivation to do
anything, yet i have an important task on hand.

everyday, i would start thinking of the past, and i would be disgusted by my
actions, for going out with my frens instead of having dinner at his house.

everyday, i have to tell myself to be strong, but whenever i thought of the pain he is suffering, i breakdown.

everyday, when i visit him, i hate myself for not being able to chat much with him and ease the pain he is suffering.

yes, there's an end eventually in one's life.
but he dun deserve to suffer all these pain. really.

im tired.
i dun wanna be strong.
i dun wanna pretend nothing's wrong.

its really so hard to accept the reality,
no matter how prepared i am, i still wont be able to accept the worst.

this time, its for real.
define sadness. define helplessness. define pain.

unbearable tears- my definition to the above 3.

stay strong.
but how strong can one be?

dear god, pls dun take him aaway from us.

A very happy CNY to all~

This year, CNY was almost the same as the previous years,
all i did was eat, watch tv and gamble at relatives or friends' hse.
My luck this year wasnt that bad, since i didnt really lose money while gambling.
I hope the luck keeps coming in!

Before New Year, Xin and Me went to Pat's house to learn how to bake cornflake cookies!
The response from friends and relatives were positive, so i might consider selling them the next CNY IF my daddy decides to invest in a bigger and better Oven.

For the previous CNY, when we visit relatives' hse, its really easy to identify who is the eldest and who is the youngest among us, the 4 sisters.

However, this time round, it wasnt a simple task to them anymore,
somehow, my sis all seemed to have grown taller and dressed in a more matured way,
im often being mistook as the 2nd or the 3rd.
And i believed, in a few months time, when my youngest sis continue to grow taller,
I'll be the shortest in this Lim Family.
Damn. Cant they just stop growing vertically?
Had enough of people laughing at the scene of us standing together, with me being the shortest.
I dun mind being the shortest, but my size doesnt fit my height!
#)(&^%%$#@!~!*

On the other hand, life is really unfair,
cos the person, who prays so hard not to grow taller, is growing taller.
*flash my evil look at Hui Mei*
Will i ever grow taller again?

There was once when i was eating lollipop,
and one of my relative mistook me as the youngest one,
her reason was "u eating lollipop, so i tot u the youngest"
but then...so says grown-ups cannot eat lollipop?

Maybe i just dont look my age, and i look younger than my age,
which is a good thing, cos this means tat i dun look Chao Lao.
Haha. Self -consolations.

The only part i enjoyed during this CNY is to doll myself up.
Been learning how to put on eye shadow and i tried on the green one.
I think it looks good with my fake lashes. Somehow, my eye seems to brighten up.

Went to Huimei, Qj, Jw and Tobs house yesterday for clique New Year gatherings.
Original plan was to have steamboat at marina, but ended up eating KFC at Tob's hse.

Like wad tobs says, this may be the last time we will be gg to his house.
hmm....

Damn Damn Damn!
I've gained 2Kg! can u believe it?
omg omg. I really have to work extra hard to shed off more weights before grad ball!!!
thanks to ba guas, lapis cake and hei bee hiam.
i feel so guilty now!

Been thinking really alot since exams ended.
and i really hate that,
cos i end up losing sleep.

However, i cant ctrl my mind.
the more i asked myself not to think,
the more my mind thinks.


sometimes,
as we understand each other more,
more conflicts arises,
the insecurities and uncertainty in me increases,
the more i felt that we are distancing from each other.

i wonder,
Is there a limit to compromising?
and if there is, where is mine and where is yours?
can we compromise for as long as a life time?
can we accept each other's fault for a life time.

am i really the one that u're looking for?








totally not in the mood for CNY.


think, i'll be creating a new blog which allow me to 'lock' some of my posts for personal reference.
any recommendations?

i lose my voice.
i cant sing.
:(

somehow when its finally over,

it feels like something is missing,

the once 'oh-so-packed' life says goodbye,

and i begin living each day aimlessly.

the moment i dread is finally here for me to decide.

Which direction should i head next?

as usual, life is full of uncertainty.

theres so many things i wanna try,

but do i qualify for them?

im so used to somebody making the decision for me.

now the ball is in my hands,

i've gotta learn how to pass and throw the ball,

rather than leaving it to fate, and letting it fall.

but then again, its like im loosing control of my life.

like seriously, does everyone feel the same as me?

the weakest cant survive in this society. we gotta fight for our living.

and through past experience, i really felt that im the weakest.

the wall that i depended on since young, seems so filmsy now.

omg. omg. omg.

im loosing slp everynight whenever i think of my future.

my head hurts, my throat hurts, and world seems to be spinning.
it must be the effect of the cough medicine. It must be.

b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b b2b!!!

i jus cant seem to focus on my b2b chapters.
i just cant get those notes into my damn head.
memorise like nv memorise like that....

but bu but...

im so looking forward to tomorrow...

last paper!

and of course,

1 yr anniversary for me and him.

*gg back to my notes* shoo~

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

You Are 20% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have. Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

Are You Spoiled?

You Are 20% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have. Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

Are You Spoiled?

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional.You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly.Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you.You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature.Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

http://www.blogthings.com/doyoufollowyourheadoryourheartquiz/">Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

a few weeks ago....


half an hour ago....



above is my sis's master piece. I think i looked like some transexual.
omg.

to my beloved Mr. Tan:
i hope the above pictures wont scare u away.
haha


p/s: the make-up for the last picture is not real,
my sis used a program to edit it....


i really really dun feel like studying.
:(

sometimes, i really wish that there's a clone of myself out there.
with her around, i can share my thoughts with her, share my little secrets with her, discuss my decisions with her, tell her all my problems without really explaining and elaborating much.

she will be the only one who will truly understand how i feel,
understand how i think,
understand how i behave,
understand my everything,
cos, she is just another samantha lim on this earth.

she will be there to share my thoughts,
she will understand my plight.
she will never question how i derive at a decision cos we both think the same way.

we will both share the same dream,
share the same happiness
share the same sadness.

we can really do and say about anything,
without having to explain and going into details,
without having her misunderstanding me,
and without me defending myself over things that i've said.

however,
i guess, having her around wont be a great help for me,
because, we are both indecisive.
if we were to decide on smth,
we will end up looking at each other at the end of the day,
with no decisions.

haha.
i think this is a funny post.

but i really wish that theres another samantha lim xiao wei beside me now,
so she can understand the feeling im having now.

the feeling,
which i no need to say, no need to describe,
but still, she will only be the one who knows and understand.

and most importantly, accept me for who i am.

only with her around, i can be my own self.

but then....

i wont share my boyfriend with her.

this is really a funny post.

haha.

Its been a long time since i blogged isnt it?

incase u guys miss me, im fine!

Its study week now, and i'll be graduating unofficially on my last day of exam which is on the 8th Feb.

WOW.

juz struggled through the toughest period of my Year 3 life.

handed up all report on time, except for my BD financial phase, which is dragged way beyond time.

Looking back, as much as i hate the life i lead at that moment, I'm missing it now.

its like, u can only experience that when you are still a student.

no doubt, in the society, u need to meet all datelines, but the feeling is different already.

i really wanna thank Mr. John Foo, for guiding my group [which i think only consists of 2.5 person when its full strength is 5] throughout this whole year. Without him, i really dunno what will happen. haha.

Had my final presentation to the bosses of SingaFood on 15 Jan.

jy and i were the presenters.

and this time round, i didnt prepare any scripts any yet managed to present through without much problem. haha.

and this one of the food item we prepared:

the chocolate man tou.

and because i steamed extra and brought it to school for incase, and nobody wanted to eat, so i kept it in my lunch box and bring it home again on the very day.

However, as you know, Samantha Lim Xiao Wei is a lazy and forgetful girl,

once i reached home, i juz leave my lunch box in a paper bag, and i hang the paper bag on one of the chairs and totally forgot abt its existence.

1 week later, my mummy went to open the lunch box.....

and tadah~

MOULDS GROWING ON IT!

it was really gross!!!!

it really looked like theres mushroom growing on it with dirty green patches all around the surface. and worst of all, theres like spider web covering the skin which i think look abit like candy floss.

disgusting is the word.

juz only 1 week, to be precise, its 6.5days, and the man tou become like this!

eeyer!!!!!

i didnt dare to smell it even though my sister challenged me to.

my mum thought i was conducting a science experiment!

-.-

i showed my dad this "science experiment" and he hurried me to throw the whole lunch box away.

haha.

the last 2 weeks of school, we had so many presentation that i almost didnt have enough formal wear to fit myself.

my only formal skirt had to be shared for so many presentations.

but im glad its all over la.

and the greatest news is,

our mmit project (Kenwood Marketing Campaign) managed to get into the FINALS!!!!

so happy!

a little more hardwork to be put in for the finals on 2nd March.

Princesses, lets work hard for the $1000 ba!

went to sec3F/4E chalet on 13 Jan

saw alot of faces which i didnt see eversince we graduated from MJR.

those who went army, becomed so talkative~

talk and talk and talk, abt army of course.

reached there late cos i was working on my BD presentation at JY house earlier on.

and so when i reached there, i felt kinda out of place.

i certainly loved gatherings, but its like....everyone's doing their own things, so difficult to feel united again.

i left at 11pm, when xin came. haha.

my life now is like a cross road.

so bleak. so lonely. so uncertain.

haiz.

i really dunno where and what should i start from.

im 75% confident that i cannot qualify for uni,

and i have no interest in private Uni.

but den, people say, u cant go far with a diploma.

plus, my communication skills is rather weak, and therefore, a sales job wont really suit me.

and that is why the more i need a degree.

i guess, what i can do now, is to continue sending out my resume and see which company wants me ba.

when u are given with so many options and choices, life becomes complicated.

and you know, samantha doesnt like complications.

boo~~

and when im bored, i play with my phone's camera!

so fun, yet bo liao. haha!



i guess, everybody's wish is to face smth like this 1 fine day....












[to become a millionaire]

question of the day.

after listening to most of my fren's story.....

can love and trust be mutually exclusive at the same time?

im not avoiding any problems.
im just not in the right state of mood and emotions to discuss deeper into the matter.
im sad and troubled by the two ____( feel in the blanks with all the vulgarities) guys in my bd group.
one doesnt want to pick up my call or reply my sms.
one haven send his work to me regardless of my repeat reminders.
i just cant save the damn fucking teaser ad into movie format.
whats wrong with the damn original source of the pictures?
why you this damn computer make life difficult for me?!

i just feel like giving the whole of phase 3 up.
not caring if the analysis was correctly done,
not caring if the figures are correct,
not caring if its rightfully balanced,
and just hand up all the shit work.

i just feel like blasting all the vulgarities i know!
AHHH!


i shouldnt....i really shouldnt bring up this matter today.
it just caused me to be upset,
not because of you,
but because of myself, for bringing it up to u today, when i actually know that i cant handle the whole situation well.
damn myself!

i really feel so surrounded by stress and problems, that no matter how much tears was shed, i wont feel or get any better.

what a good start for year 2007.

hang on for 2 more weeks.
2 MORE WEEKS.

confession of pain.

i think its a nice show worth which worth the price of a weekday ticket.
i would rate it better than curse of the golden flower.
cos the storyline of curse of the golden flower very boring. (even though your eyes can feast on the assets of women)

after watching confession of pain...
by just looking at the title,
it sets me wondering....
is it very difficult to confess something which pains u?

whatever.
to conclude, i think, all types of confession needs courage.

Xmas 2006 celebrations.

mLsars gathering.


Weekdays gathering.

Test my balancing skill at amanda's house

haha. look at my sis retarded face. i can foresee her hammering me by posting this pic up.

didnt take any pics with class clique and dear during our christmas gathering. =(

anyways, xmas was fun and fruitful (in terms of presents) this year! im a happy girl!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the last day of year 2006.

having the feelings of mixed emotions now, treasuring every breathe of the moment.

because, once the clock strike 12 tonight, year 2006 will nv return.



so many things happened this year.

good ones, bad ones, happy ones, sad ones.

i believe, everything happens for a reason.



looking at last year's 31st dec entry, its like so emo and sad!

couldnt remember i felt that way already.

anyway,

i didnt set any new year resolutions this year.

haha! but i think i there are still some accomplishments!



i've got my driving license.

i've slimmed down a little.

cant think of any major one already....



and oh ya.

year 2006, its the year i accepted dear into my life!



so new year resolutions for the coming new year?



hmm....



slim down more,

smooth r/s,

earn more $$$$$



think that will be all.



we shouldnt be greedy.



=)



happy new year everybody.



*back to my report. so sad. haha*

Went xin's house as early as 8.30am to trouble her for helping out with my BD accounts.
it was incredibly messy even though john foo already help me balance my year 1 figures.
Up till 12pm, we were still figuring out why the balance sheet cannot be balance.
I really dont understand how people can stand the job of being a accountant. All they do is to face dead and boring figures.

We dated Pat( our teacher!) for lunch and was waiting for her to reply xin's sms on the venue and time to meet. But Pat said she planned something special for us which leaves me and xin anticipating what is she up to.
While xin is dressing herself up, i took an artistic photo of myself.

Dont you guys think its artistic? Haha. Im in the small little purple-framed mirror.

And while xin is busy checking the accounts, i took out all her rings and tried in on my own fingers. lame right?

Finally received Pat's call and she asked as to take a cab to Regents Hotel from cityhall taxi stand. We were so puzzled by her because we were wondering why must we take a cab specifically from the taxi stand outside Robinsons.
We did as what we were told and tadah~ we reached Regents Hotel.
We were treated like VIPs and i tell you, the feeling was wonderful. (sound so sua-ku)
Then we waited for Pat at the lobby started feeling that we were underdressed for this kind of place.

Then, Pat appeared! omg. she is still as pretty. and she treated us to this English High tea set. It was so much like fine dining. It was our 1st time dining at this kinda place and environment, so Xin and me felt so stressed and tensed up as we dun really know what to do with the cutlery and stuffs, and we were pratically sitting up straight on our back for the 1st 15 minutes!

I tried their Carribean Summer and it has an orangy-fruitty taste. Smells very sweet. and whats more important is that the colour of the tea is PINK in colour. So pretty!

Xin ordered Earl Grey which i think it tasted like my perfume from Body Shop.

The tea pot and the tea cup.

Chatted while we struggled to finish the pastries. We can really talked alot! from guys to life to future to love to religion. Felt so inspiring and comfortable talking to her. Its been a long time when i have this kinda conversation already. I dunno how to describe her, she is just like our idol. there's just so much to learn from her.

We left Regents hotel at 4pm and she drove us back to Eunos. The traffic lights at eunos were all out of order! the traffic was like scary. those people having driving test at around that time must be quite unlucky ba.

But the sad thing is....we forgot to take pictures with Pat. :(

After we reached home, we headed back to our accounts. time seems to pass so fast when we are figuring out the numbers.

Supposed to leave house at 6.30 to head to parkway to meet weekdays for k box session. But by the time we finished the accounts, it was already 8pm! felt so bad as the rest had to wait for us!

Regreted not bring ear plug to Kbox because TOR TECK CHIAT was simply irritating when the microphone is with him. haha! Nevertheless, really enjoy that night even though i was feeling real tired and i had to leave at 11pm. Going to meet them up on Christmas day itself to go KUSU island!

yippee! sounds odd. but who cares?! it will also be my first time there!

ANd to Pat: if you are reading this, i wanna thank you for the treat again!
Learnt so much from you!
Like wad Xin said, we love you.

my father said:

“可以用钱解决的问题，不是问题。
用钱还解决不了的问题， 才是真正的问题。”

I HATE BD!

yeah! i passed my driving test on 7th Dec 2006! first try!

i was so nervous the night before that i couldnt sleep well,
and on the actual day,
i couldnt sit still, i could feel my heart racing every minute, and irregular breathings makes me dizzy. worst still, my hands were cold through out the day.
i swear, this driving test can be ranked the top 3 in "the scariest test" of my life.

Huixian's test was on the same day as mine except that her slot was the morning slot and mine was the afternoon one.
when she called to tell us that she passed,
i got even stress-er.
but i feel so happy for her!


and i skipped my afternoon lesson for my last session of practical lesson b4 test.
and den finally, it was time for me to warm up in my test car.
my instructor wished me good luck and he said that he will wait for my good news.
dunno why, i feel like crying liao.
den b4 warm up, i called dear and my tears jus flow! i was really NERVOUS and SCARED. its like i have to face this battle alone. a lonely and tough battle!

but anyways, the test is now over, and i finally got my driving license after spending like $2000.
now that im a qualified driver, i can drive on the road!
but before that, i still need to learn how to park without the poles that we always use in the driving centre. haha.
if not know how to drive but dunno how to park also no use.

i didnt regret registering as a student of BBDC.
the instructors were patient and the test routes were smooth! unlike the one at Ubi, with congested traffic.

and i think, praying b4 the test and eating vegetarian on ur test day helps.
cos i did that and i passed.

thanks my friends who send me encouragement messages. It help to boost my confidence level up a little.
thanks jingwei and huixian for telling me all the necessary stuffs to look out for.
thanks my parents for encouraging me.
thanks huimei for giving me her luck, which cause her to have bad luck for the rest of the day.
thanks jiayi for working so hard for BSG while i concentrate on my driving.
and lastly, thanks dear for believing in me. =)
your words, your encouragement, your everything.

.promise.

It never occur to me that promise is just and empty word to me, until yesterday, when i had a tiff with dear for breaking my promise.

Promise- something so important, so saint, so meaningful and so hopeful to him. Yet, over here, i looked upon promise so lightly and easily, that i almost didnt know what is the exact meaning of the word 'promise' anymore.

And with that, I portrayed myself as someone who is irresponsible, not trustworthy and someone who only make empty promises. Its a miracle, how he could tolerate me again and again, continue to love me and not giving me up.

On my way back home yesterday, i recaped what happened between us in the day and then reflected my ations and behaviour, trying to find out what promises really mean to me. why am i someone who take promises so lightly.

The only reason to defend myself is that im being brought up in an environment of empty promises. It doesnt really matter to me that someone break his/her promise to me. It really doesnt matter to me because, from young, i've learnt to look at promises lightly and not give a damn abt those promises which makes people goes 'awww....'
I've learnt how not to feel so hopeful about a promise. I dont feel extremely happy or assured even if someone fulfilled his/her promise. My parents sometimes make empty promises too and i've learnt how to deal with it. My friends makes empty promises and i've learnt how to not let it bother me. In other words, i've excreted the word 'promise' out of my world, my dictionary. It's like a vase, beautifying the whole picture. Just a vase, a plain vase.
And then, i wonder if pushing the word 'promise' out of my dictionary is equivalent to pushing the responsibilities im liable for ???

yup, maybe to others, all the above were just bullshits and lame excuses. Im ok with people thinking this way because i would too, if im a third party. I'll see myself as an irresponsible piece of shit.
my uncle said " you're just like a piece of shit" right into my face when i told him i'll rank friends before family a few years back. and i tell you, it really doesnt feel good at all.
but hell, now, i really feel no difference from being a piece of shit.
I felt so regretful so making empty promises, hurting the one i love, the one who love me.

And today, i finally learnt my lesson.
Never promise anything that you arent sure if the promise can work out. Especially to your love ones. If notm the outcome will turn out so disappointing and so disatourous. It misplaces one's trust. And yes, in every relationship that is significant, trust is the foundation.

Instead of saying "i promise", i would rather say "i'll try my best"

Im currently accepting the word 'promise' into my world again.
Im currently learning the importance and significance of the word.
A simple word, yet contain tons of responsibilities, hopes and trusts.

At the end of the day, my advice is not to promise anything that you arent capable of, or promising without thinking of the feasibility. Sometimes, it is just so difficult because, promising and not promising will also lead to disappointment.

A promise is still an empty promise if not delivered completely, regardless of how much effort or sacrifices is invested, in trying to deliver it.

I must admit im not a good girlfriend, someone who tends to be irresponsible, someone who runs away from problems, someone who makes empty promises, someone who always makes statement without thinking which cause negative consequences.

But im very sure that, be it because of my environment or my incapabilities, i'll do something to achieve my promise even if i know i will fail to complete the whole picture.

i dunno what will be your reaction when u see this post.
all i want to say is.... sorry for making empty promises.
from now on, i'll see promises at the angle that u are seeing.
love!